


Solo

by perryvic, Zaganthi (Caffiends)



Series: Arpeggio [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Interspecies, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-21
Updated: 2011-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-15 20:39:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perryvic/pseuds/perryvic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffiends/pseuds/Zaganthi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Then perhaps a deal. You act as my <i>lhamorata</i> in the journey to find those who know of the Athosians, and I will gain much support and prestige for having tamed the fearsome Sheppard. You have a reputation, John Sheppard."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solo

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Violet_eyes and Chaps1870 for the beta!

There was one thing about being in pain, lots of pain and that was the senses turned inwards and you started losing what was going on around you unless they spoke to you in a language of sensation.

He remembered the multiple jackhammer impacts against his chest and body that took him down and switched off his true awareness. He remembered the feel of fingers around his throat, a pain there, again where the Wraith had fed and this time something pushing into him, roaring through his body like a boiling wave of light that pooled and glowed inside of him.

He barely noticed the cool disorientation of being carried through a gate because though he could breathe now and coughed to clear his lungs of the slickness of blood, he couldn't move, couldn't sense anything aside from a growing pain in his stomach and chest, radiating out from impact points.

Whether it was delirium or not, the touch of hands, of human hands and long periods of unconsciousness, followed by rather amazing drugged recollections that made no sense were all that John could recall.

This time when he woke, his head was clear, if aching he still had pain, but that healing pain which was something he had experience with and he definitely wasn't back in Atlantis. And he wasn't on a Hive ship, but he had to admit the walls of the chamber he was in looked a little Wraithy.

He should be dead. And... he glanced at his hand, no longer withered with the Wraith feeding, something really really odd had happened. He *remembered* being shot. He had known they were fatal hits and had only just managed to follow the fact that Rodney was running for the gate, going to make it home with a sort've relief.

Then the Wraith, and he was going to have to call him something aside from the Wraith...Todd or something, had done something. Pushed life back into him but he guessed that didn't actually remove bullets. So here he was, wherever he was. Some place where a Wraith could apparently save humans, unless he'd been dropped on a doorstep with a note saying "please look after this nearly dead guy."  
And hell, maybe he had.

Stranger things had happened to John in his life and stranger things probably happened before breakfast time in Pegasus. There was a bed and it was that strange mix of blankets and furs that John vaguely thought 'Athosian' when he saw them. It was comfortable, though, and there was a pillow under his head. Vaguely civilized people then, particularly if they'd taken the bullets out.

He shifted a little and from the way his body protested he had been here some time. He felt like he could do with a good long shower and, huh, well he was wearing something but he wasn't sure what it was exactly.

A movement and a door opening and he immediately focused on who was coming in. The young woman who came in reminded him oddly of Teer and that was just...well, freaky to say the least. He was going to say something but discovered that his mouth was dried out so that what came out was a rasp of noise rather than anything sensible.

"You are awake." She smiled demurely at him, surprised by that fact, apparently. "Good. How do you feel?"

"I'd say fine, but it would be a lie," he answered, his voice rough with disuse. He'd been here more than a few days then. "Hi... uh, where am I?"

"You are on Melouth, in our main city." She seemed patient with him. "I would have thought you knew that, given who brought you here."

Melouth... Melouth. It wasn't ringing a bell. He looked at her quizzically. "We were in this sort've fight, and I don't remember much at the end bits. I'm guessing Todd brought me here?"

Tall, skinny, kinda pale looking with long hair. Liked to eat him. Yeah. The name fit.

Just like that ex of his.

"We do not know him as Todd. He is one of those we tend to." She seemed calm with it, calmer than the Wraith worshippers he'd run into in the past. Like Todd was some foreign dignitary who'd dropped a dog off into their care.

Definitely Wraith Worshippers, though. Huh. Best not to be anything else than his buddy then. "Yeah, well Todd's been out of circulation a while. We ended up escaping some Genii." Most people had heard of the Genii and didn't trust them much. "And it all went a bit hazy, you know. He had to feed off of me a few times in a row and then he did that thing where he gave it all back after I got shot."

From the look on her face that was a big deal. A huge deal. He wasn't sure if he had just given away an advantage or not.

Hopefully not. "Oh... Then you are truly honored." She gave a breathy exhale and John had a feeling that she might have thrown herself on him right then and there, damn the sheets and his clothes, if he hadn't been injured and if he didn't feel like he smelled. She didn’t have a smell, so he was inclined to guess that the Wraith worshippers were a tidy lot.

"Yeah, I guess I am," he replied awkwardly. Great, injured among a load of Wraith Worshippers who thought he was hot stuff in their way of things. "Hey, is Todd around? The Wraith who brought me here?"

It was probably logical to ask that sort of question.

"No. He stated he would return for you but he has gone in search of his Hive." It made John grimace, that the guy thought he'd be back for John. So, not a prisoner, but an honored guest. Still, he had to know that John would try to make a break for it, try to get back to Atlantis.

Separate ways had been the bargain but he hadn't counted on being injured. "How long have I been... How long has he been gone?"

He had to keep reminding himself to talk like some cult follower. It wasn't easy; he'd never had the mentality for blindly following anything.

That was half of his problem in the military, that he still and always would think and put other people before himself, before the mission if he had to. At least Rodney had made it through the gate. He was sure of that, that Rodney had survived.

"A lunar cycle and a half."

"A month and a half?" John knew he sounded incredulous but wow, that had to be some good drugs they'd been giving him. No wonder he felt unable to move some if the injuries were that serious. "I'm really out of the loop here." He tried sitting up and managed it with a few grimaces of pain. "What's your name? Sorry, should've asked before but it's been a while since I've been...in civilization. I've never been here before."

He was hoping for some explanations at least.

"I could tell." She smiled again and reached out to press a hand against his chest. "But you are still honored. And I am honored to meet you. I am Sermer."

"Nice to meet you, Sermer," John said and tried to work out if that was a greeting or not. "Okay, look, I know I'm honored. I know I've got a close bond with Todd... uh... the particular Wraith, but I don't know anything about being here, living here and I could really use some help. Todd has called me... unusual."

They didn’t know the half of it.

"I am sure you are." Her smile was too eager to help and it wasn't going to be the kind of help John knew he needed.

"Seriously, can you tell me about how things work around here? The last thing I want is Todd angry at me." He hoped he sounded convincing. He couldn't look that attractive, not after being a convalescent for so long.

"We will care for you until he returns," she said simply. "Now that you are awake, perhaps you would like your basic needs tended to?"

"I'd like a shower and some clean clothes," he agreed. "Can you show me where I can uh, do that?"

He had to get himself together, start assessing things and get the hell back to Atlantis. He knew he would be written off. KIA - seen taking bullets to the chest. He'd thought he was dead, let alone anyone else there.

Coming back from the dead was messy and he wasn't going to dwell on the fact that they'd probably mourned him and already notified his family, and shit, shit. At least he was still alive. He could explain it all once he got home again, that was all. It would be a pain in the ass but if he was breathing then a pain in the ass was all right.

Sermer reached to gather his hands in hers. "Come with me."

Following was difficult and John was unsteady but she was patient as they left the room. Definitely a Wraith built complex of some sort, dim light, the works. "Where are we going?"

"The baths. They're mineral infused and good for the body." With his luck, it'd be female Wraith ooze or something equally fucked up.

"Pretty luxurious set up you have here." But the Wraith worshippers on the Hive had been well fed, well looked after, coiffed and pampered in a way. He'd caught on to his little spy precisely because she didn't have the hard muscles and marks of someone who’d worked for a living had. She could've been a noble but he had been overly alert by then.

"It is. We are all grateful for our lives here, serving our masters." She squeezed his hands gently and stepped with him through an arched doorway. There were pools of water recessed into the floor and they seemed to be steaming.

It certainly looked appealing, and oh hey, she was taking off his half robe thing and wow, he hadn't been wearing anything under there. And they'd shaved him. He looked down at himself seeing rather unpleasant wounds still trying to heal before stepping into the water. "So uh, do you serve any particular master?"

"No. Sometimes there are conflicts among the Wraith. This is neutral ground and in the event of an emergency we are all willing to sacrifice our lives for the Wraith. There are those of us who are representatives of different Hives but I am not one of them." She knelt beside his pool of water, still watching him intently.

"Okay," John said, a little bemused. He had a horrible suspicion this was like some sort of farming area for Wraith with their food. The water stung a little and then he felt the heat seep into him. She wanted him. There had to be some sort've Wraith instruction to procreate as much as possible. "So any news from out there? I've been out of touch for that lunar cycle and a half."

"The Asurans are spreading their influence across the galaxy. It is slow but they are not real men." She leaned down and scooped a handful of water to drape it over his chest.

"The Asurans?" John frowned even as looked at her in surprise at the water. "The replicators? Since when have they been out and about?"

Sermer repeated the washing gesture, smiling at him still, in that vaguely tempting way. "It does not matter. It is not our concern."

It was his concern because those Asurans were tricky bastards. "Yeah, so... what is our concern then?" he asked.

"Our concern is that you return to full strength. You are new here and you could contribute... much." That had to be a double entendre because she lifted one eyebrow at him suggestively.

"Contribute in what way?" John asked a little warily. They couldn't mean that, they really couldn't. McKay would kill him with Kirk jokes.

"We are tasked with bringing to full age as many like ourselves as we can," she murmured, smiling at him. "You could help me fulfill my own duties." And all he could think about was back in the cell, with Rodney and his comments and the look on his face when Kolya had made his threat.

"You know, I'm, well I've only just become conscious," John answered. "Might be a while before I reach that point, sorry to say."

Sermer smiled at him. "There is much time for us to consider it. You need to rest for now." And she ladled another handful of water over his shoulders.

Okay well, he could do that. For now, bide his time until he could walk more than a few meters without really needing a sleep. Because he could feel thoughts he had been pushing back in his mind pushing for attention. What he'd done to Rodney, how he'd done it. Rodney being a women or man or both and something special to the Wraith and he wasn't ready to deal with that. Not right now.

Maybe not for a really long time. It was too hard and sharp a thought, and he couldn't handle it just then. He turned it over, tucked it away and preferred the Rodney making Kirk jokes angle of things.

"Rest and enjoy the water."

* * *

Melouth was full of Wraith Worshippers all apparently determined to procreate as much and often as possible. Those women who had multiple births were given high status and someone’s attractiveness was directly proportional to their ability to produce children. They called themselves the Xeras, which apparently meant the Chosen which John guessed was a little boring. The really disturbing thing was that he recognized the feeling of these people. They were religious zealots, uncannily like the Taliban that he had encountered in Afghanistan.

It left him feeling completely cut off, unable to connect to their mass euphoria at their duties and unable to understand and do more than feign agreement when they spoke of the miracle of having life fed back into him.

The one advantage was that had given him automatic nobility because apparently the Wraith only did that for the most devout of their worshippers. They had decided he was some incomprehensible word which somehow meant he was a personal possession, pet or something to Todd and as a result he was looked after all the damn time.

He'd made a good recovery now and he was using the time to get intel and work on escaping.

But that whole 'looked after all the damn time' part was interfering with his escaping. He knew where their gate was -- a high platform, center of town, easily watched by everyone and their brother.

And he was apparently too important to let off world and Todd had left strict instructions that he wasn't to leave -- the Xeras assumed he would risk himself chasing after his Wraith. It frustrated the hell out him.

Still, in the last month, nearly two, he had found out more about Wraith politics than he ever thought possible. One of his primary sources was a rather plump older man called Caldas, who traded fresh food in the market square who liked to gossip as he got food.

"It's gotten out that that Genii man you mentioned was holding a lhamana and we're putting out word to find it. Unless that's what your patron is off doing."

"The ...Lhamana escaped the Genii," John answered as he ate the Xeran equivalent of a taco. "He saw that as I was shot. We assisted in saving him." That much was true.

"Then it is no wonder that you were honored. Perhaps you would even be taken before one of the Queens themselves!" Caldas suggested with a smile.

"Yeah, that's uh. I wouldn't mind that." He'd mind it like he minded every day of life on Melouth, with its artificial, cultish calm. At least the tortilla-like thing was nice.

"It is the fond wish of many here that they be taken before a Queen to serve as their last act," Caldas commented almost wistfully. "But that is not for such as me. Did you hear the biggest news though? The City of the Enemy has fallen!"

"The Asuran city?" That was big news, and if it was true then Rodney had finally hit a big breakthrough.

"No, no, though in this the Asurans are our friends for now. The City of the Lanteans," he said, eyes bright. "It is a victory against the ones who have defied our lords."

The old man might as well have cracked John over the back of his head for all the sense what he was saying made to him. Atlantis. If Atlantis fell... "Who did it?"

"The word is that some of the true Atlanteans returned and displaced those false ones. Sent them back into the void from whence they came," Caldas said, eating a bite of his own wares and gesticulating animatedly. "Then the Asurans came to take the city. Some say there was a battle and it was destroyed. Others that the Asurans won and stayed there."

Either way, it could be true. The Asurans rebuilt themselves; it was the nature of the replicators, but... Fuck. "Did the false ones all leave?"

"Yes. Without fight. There are those who have traded with those who were their close allies," Caldas said, nodding. "Good news, yes?"

Only if Rodney and the others were safe. But it hurt. He was alone.

"Yeah that's... great news. And those who traded with them?" If the mission had left, would they have offered to take Teyla and Ronon? Would they even have gone?

"That I do not know but there are those who have been on the city out there talking," Caldas said. He looked up. "Would you like another quantilla? I have some left."

"Huh, sure." John shook his head a little. "So the Asurans did it. Are they allied with the Wraith now?"

"No, no... what would I know of such things? You should ask Tural, you know he takes an interest."

Tural was a Xeran with a deep interest in the War and he would go on and on and on about whatever snippet of gossip reached his ears and frankly John found him as interesting as watching paint dry.

John faked a laugh and leaned back a little, craning his head. "But Tural doesn't make delicious quantillas." He had to think mission. He had to think staying friendly with the freakish freakish natives.  
Sometimes it completely weirded him out how willing people were to die for some weirdass belief. He was willing to sacrifice his life for his friends, his... substitute family, for Rodney, but dying for vengeful ’gods’, being sacrificed to them, just was completely out there for him.

Caldas laughed. "Flatterer, John..." That earned him another quantilla. "He thinks not. He is full of his doom and gloom."

"It's a different kind of thought," John shrugged. "I had a friend who was really bad for dwelling on things."

He wasn't so good at it himself.

"Well, he says that now they have the city of the Lanteans, the Asurans will come after us." He laughed a little at that and John had to get his head around the fact that when he said 'us' he meant the Wraith.

Jesus, he needed to get out of here.

"They might," John agreed with a tight shrug of his shoulders. "That was their original programming."

"Then no doubt your master will come for you," Caldas said and grinned. "Sermer will be most disappointed to not have your company. And Asella, Dirana, Hele and Racili... just to start with."

"I had company that I liked back home." He took a few quick bites of the quantilla. "I need time."

Caldas raised his eyebrows until they nearly crawled off of his head. "Truly? There are tales of those who the Wraith take as one of their own - Your master treats you this way?"

Damn, he's forgotten he'd implied he'd been alone with Todd for some time.

"Not for me to talk about." John raised his eyebrows back at Caldas. "The context is different."

Caldas laughed. "So modest... I...”

What he was going to say was interrupted by a chime that he recognized. Wraith were among them and this was a difficult moment. He did not want to draw attention to himself.

This was a moment where he wanted to just slide into the background and maybe move a little to stand kind of behind Caldas's stall.

Wraith warriors were coming in through the Stargate and he slipped back a little, observing, but...shit, there he was. Todd and an entourage. This was not a good day.

"Bring the one that is mine to me. The one called Sheppard."

Son of a bitch. He could run and make a scene and lose allies, or he could throw himself at the gate and go splat, or he could man up and step forward and see where he was going to be taken in an upright rather than a laying down position.

John moved from behind Caldas, stepping forwards. "Long time, no see."

"Sheppard, I see you are more vertical than when I left you," Todd said, stepping forward to meet him. "They have done well. You look fit once more."

He reached out with his feeding hand and pressed against his throat and it took all he had not to flinch. But he'd seen this happen and knew it was expected.

He didn't flinch and it was a fucking miracle.

"I feel fit, thanks."

"Good. Come with me, Sheppard. There is much we must do," Todd said.

Great. This was turning out to be a helluva day. First the news about Atlantis then the fact he had been too weak to run or get away, and now he was back in a Wraith’s clutches.

"What exactly are we doing?" It wasn't like he was going anywhere, but the Wraith had a hand around his neck and struggling would have been a waste of effort.

"That we will talk of on our Hive," Todd answered and damned if he didn't look amused. There was a faint sensation of a push in his head and he frowned a little. "Come now."

He turned to lead the way out of the busy market place, releasing his grip and John could feel a tug in his mind.

"Hey, knock it off." He cut Todd a sideways look. "I'm walking. I don't need the extra help."

"Just ensuring you are moving in the right way, Sheppard," Todd replied with a smile as they headed towards the Stargate. "I will talk to you alone.”

"Fantastic." He needed to at least get to Teyla and Ronon. From there he could... wing it. It would mean he was a little less alone, if he could find them.

He walked through the Stargate directly after Todd, into some sort of Wraith outpost and Todd took him to what seemed like quarters. "Now, Sheppard, we will speak."

It was a dark, closed in place and it made John glad that he'd never been much prone to claustrophobia. "I thought we'd agreed that we were going to go our separate ways."

"Things have changed." Todd looked at him with bright yellow eyes. "I will honor our agreement, as you honored your part of our escape. However..."

Of course there was a however.

"Since that time, circumstances have changed, Sheppard. You need to hear this. You have heard of how Atlantis has fallen twice? The Asurans are active once more. This means trouble."

"So they did overtake the Ancients?" If they had, if they had the city, then it meant they had the gate address to Earth...

"Yes. This we know from the Athosians," Todd answered. "But those who are celebrating have forgotten their history. Already they constructed many warships and they will send them against us."

"Against the Wraith," John agreed flatly. "And this should bother me because...?"

"Because there was a reason why the Lanteans stopped them before," Todd answered. "The Asurans have a... refreshingly simple plan when it comes to eradicating us. They wipe out our food source."

He looked at John and then tapped him on the chest. "You."

That made sense and it seemed like the kind of fucked up way that the Atlanteans' worst projects went. The Nanovirus had been part of the same target, the ATA-less humans, and Rodney had guessed it was Asuran created but more of a twisted jealous of the better loved sibling issue than part of their prime directive. "Ah."

"Exactly. Our purposes coincide. We do not want to be killed any more than humans. In this, like you said before, we have a common goal," Todd said.

What was there to say to that? John looked sideways and then at Todd, trying to make a guess at what came next. "Look, I'm not a scientist. I shoot my way out of places."

"You have the blood of the Lanteans. You have fought these ones before. And Sheppard, you are alone," Todd answered. "Shooting may or may not be required. I need to regain my forces to fight them and you would profit from helping me achieve that."

"I don't care about profit at this point." If he could find Teyla again, if he could find Ronon, then hell... It would be worth it.

Todd sighed a little, which had to be a human affectation from his time incarcerated. "Then perhaps a deal. You act as my _lhamorata_ in the journey to find those who know of the Athosians who will have moved and I will gain much support and prestige for having tamed the fearsome Sheppard. You have a reputation John Sheppard."

"I should. It was my city that fell," John snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "What exactly is a lhamorata?"

"A...special one." Todd looked at him. "A tamed human that... it is difficult to describe. We do not kill our lhamorata, though we feed from them, we give back the life. It is most pleasurable for the human. This is how they are tamed. You wear my mark already."

A pet, he was talking about a goddamn pet.

"No, we have words for that in my language," John snorted, looking hard at Todd. "They're not usually kind words, or flattering. So, I pretend to be your lhamorata and I get what in return?"

"Was saving your life not some means of balancing debts of honor?" Todd answered with a tone of incredulity. "I will take you to those who may know of your friends. We will let you know when we have developed a means of nullifying the Replicators. An alliance until they are gone. After that, all bets are off, as you have said before."

"Until the replicators are gone. Until I can get my city back," John reiterated, because as long as he kept claiming it was his city, then Todd maybe wouldn't think to the point beyond, that question of where had they come from.

"Good. You will follow me as if you do not wish to be apart," Todd replied. "Or if you wish and it would assuage your pride, you can appear to resist often. I will not taste you unless forced to, and if I do, I will replace that which I have taken. "

It was more trust than he wanted to give any Wraith -- so far, trusting Wraith had only gotten him and the rest of the expedition in trouble but it seemed like he had one ally, one vague ally, against a galaxy.

If he said no...what then? He didn’t know where Ronon and Teyla were and his best hope to find them was the Wraith and would he even get out of this place? He didn't have a lot of choice, at least not until he discovered some Ancient device that was going to kick ass.

Just then, he would've welcomed a quantum mirror, a mist planet, anything that could take him part way home or to a feeling of it. "Right. I'll do it."

"Good. My hive awaits. We will travel there," Todd answered and this was just surreal and crazy like a bad pizza nightmare. "Willing or unwilling?"

"I can go willing, for the moment. My city's gone. My people are gone. My friends are gone. I've worked with the Wraith before." He took a step forwards, back straight, focusing on it like it was an operation, a distasteful business agreement. They'd done that before, too. "Have you seen the one we called Michael? No idea what your names are, but he's distinct."

"There are rumors of him. He wears that human name as a badge of dishonor among our kind," Todd said. "There are times I will connect mind to mind to instruct you. This would be expected."

"Okay, whoa, hold it right there. The mind to mind connecting I'm going to have a problem with. My mind is mine, yours is yours and never the twain shall meet."

Todd looked at him. "Then they will know you are not really my lhamorata," he said and looked at him. "If they suspect then others might try and they will be less generous. You should not fear, even in feeding there was little I discovered from your mind."

"You're going to have to explain to me why we have to connect mind to mind, first." It wasn't much to demand.

"It will be expected for me to command you to tasks this way if I am with others. More importantly, I can warn you if you are doing something incorrectly." Todd blinked a little. "You will have as much access to my thought as I would to yours."

Son of a bitch. He'd forgotten that the Wraith were normally non-vocal, and for all the times for *that* to click... "Fine. We'll do it your way, then."

Todd nodded. ~Hear me, Sheppard~ his voice appeared in his mind. ~This I could not do if I had not fed on you. Speak back to me with your thoughts.~

He could sense strange shapes and feelings swirling behind the words and strangely something like truth there. It was unsettling but John pushed back with his mind and tried to verbalize. ~Testing, testing. Can you hear me?~

~I hear you, John Sheppard~ Todd answered. ~You project well. You think of me as 'Todd'?~

He hadn't said that, so he was obviously getting something from him.

~Hey, it was a guy I used to know. Plus, I don't know your name and I have to call you something.~ John tried a mental shrug to see if that conveyed properly. It was strange to be standing there, face to face with another being, talking like that.

~Wraith do not name themselves with sound. This is how I am known among Wraith kind.~ What he felt was something complex, a unique shape, color, presence, sound, taste and image, twisted together. It made 'Todd' seem inadequate.

Of course, the real Todd had been inadequate, too. ~Yeah, humans don't do that. It's hard to manage when you're a kid and don’t have telepathy."

~I will accept your naming of me. It provides you with a bridge,~ Todd answered. ~Now, we continue. There are commanders and Hives to draw to my cause.~

John had a sinking feeling that most of it was going to involve parading him around. ~Let's go.~

Todd did not answer this time, did not have to do anything, but the sense of his presence was still there, lurking at the edges of John’s mind.

* * *

It had been a bad idea. There had been plenty of times in his life where he'd thought that it was a bad idea, and just then, just the last few fucking months, had been a really bad idea. Oh, he'd learned plenty, enough about Wraith and things he never wanted to know to make Rodney green with envy.

But he'd been guarding himself from Todd, careful there, getting the hang of the mind to mind to pick up the things he was sure he wasn't meant to see. But when the other shoe dropped, it wasn't from Todd. In fact, it was from a completely different source and they waited for his protector to be away before coming after him.

When Todd was out fact-finding, he tried to keep to himself. Sometimes, it worked better than others. Sometimes, he sat for a day or so in Todd's quarters, pondering the Wraith lifestyle and trying to keep his mind from wandering while he worked with the few systems he could have access to. And he could fiddle with Todd's stunner but if he ran around the hive shooting it, he'd be up shit creek without a paddle.

The Wraith were officially weird and had this bizarre concept of obedience and parallel power hungry back stabbing. The drones were effectively programmed with limited functions and were basically like robots in their mindless devotion to a task. The real Wraith were different. They were individuals and the males fought and strove for dominance among themselves for the favor of a queen, and queens also competed to become the Primary.

Thank God Todd's hive didn't have a queen. But it did have ... ‘Gary’, Todd's apparent rival.

The Wraith kind of reminded John of the obnoxious snotty kid in class, the one who was all ego and nothing to back it up, unlike the shitty obnoxious kid who was good at what he was bragging about. Gary was that spineless, useless one, and John knew he needed to avoid the Wraith for his own safety. So, he stayed in their quarters.

The problem was this time, they weren’t staying away. He'd been caught unprepared, unarmed and they came into the quarters in a rush.

It had really lasted too long, the peace before the storm. Things had been going too decently in their tense arrangement and it kind of made John wish that the doors were keyed to just one Wraith at a time rather than the species as a whole. He started up from his chair, facing the door as they entered. "Hey, Todd's not here right now -- can I maybe take a message?"

"Sheppard. He is not here to protect you tame one. You have information that we need. You will give it to us."

Shit, no. No he fucking well wouldn't.

"My people are gone. Just what do you think I have for information?" There was a voice in his head declaring 'The way is closed' but he had a feeling that that wasn't the movie line he thought it was and that Rodney would have mocked him for getting a classic wrong.

"We do not believe you are lhamorata and there is talk you know of great feeding grounds,"' Gary' hissed at him. "I can break you -- we have time."

"You can believe what you want to believe -- I'm lhamorata." And in desperation, he tried to reach for Todd on the slim chance that he was on the ship or anywhere around in the general range.

"He will not hear, Sheppard," Gary said. "And now I have you."

And there he was in his head, pushing and suddenly for the first time in a long time he was fighting and fighting hard to stop Gary getting to him.

~Perhaps you are as strong as they say but the resistance is sweet to me. Protect one thing and other things I can find~

It was hard to stay standing, like the jackhammer of a queen Wraith's orders in his head while he collapsed down to his knees, trying to keep his strength forwards in his mind. ~Stay out.~

~You have many fears, Sheppard. I can taste them. I can use them~

 _He was back on a planet, it looked familiar. Strange, there was something on his neck, oh fucking hell the chitin gleaming, pain... pain. But, another figure. Rodney._

 _Rodney standing there and then stepping closer, reaching to take the creature by the back half and that wasn't what had happened but Rodney was there, staring at him with empty, angry eyes and that wasn't real either._

 _"Rodney?" There was twist there and the pain bloomed through his nerves._

 _"Sheppard." Rodney's voice and a nightmare twist to his face. As if he was enjoying it._

 _"How does this feel?" He gave it another twist, eyebrows coming down over his eyes in a malicious look that he'd never seen on Rodney before._

 _"Stop! Goddammit!" The problem was even though it hurt, he wanted to see Rodney. Hear his voice. Craved it so much he only then realized how much he had been hiding. "You're...not Rodney!"_

 _"I am. I'm the Rodney you don't want to think about, the Rodney who's angry at what you did..." Rodney squeezed the creature down at its softer end._

 _It was that pain he remembered blazing again all through him, choking him with screams. "No, no..."  
He'd raped Rodney. He’d done that and maybe he was angry and..._

No, this wasn't real, he could fight this. He concentrated, ~Back off! Now!~

The effort was phenomenal but the pain stopped...for a moment.

But the next thing he knew, there was something else. Fighting the 'monster' at the Sanctuary, only it wouldn't disappear and it just kept hitting over and over and no one would stand with him even as it cut him apart.

Again, in between gasps, he pushed them back, and then it was the Wraith survivor that had eaten Gall and the others. There was Rodney again, firing, firing and... he was down, unable to move.

He was useless and he was fighting it but it came down to him being useless, rendered useless, already useless to Rodney, to Gall, to his people, to any other ascending people ever.

It went on and on, for how long he didn't know. They'd find something, a little weakness, his team, usually his team and twist it. Push it. Yank up his darkest fears and make them real. Make those he loved turn on him, reject him, and hurt him. He had to concentrate so much on keeping them out of the difficult thoughts, the ones that would betray them all that he couldn't stop them doing that, carving him up bit by bit.

He managed to control the recollection of the first Wraith feeding, him chained to the chair and Todd over him. He let slip a little of him protecting Todd. He steeled himself against horror upon horror, aware somewhere he was screaming loudly and had been for some time. He had to keep then *out*.  
Keep them back, keep them from digging too deep and ripping out what made up the core of him and there wasn't much of that left, his 'core' had never been really strong, he wasn't that kind of guy. He just focused and he took it, scenario by dark scenario.

He lost track of time until in one particularly brutal scenario there was a jolt and a blinding sense of light and then they were gone.

~Sheppard? Do you hear me, Sheppard?~ Todd's voice like some mockery of a celestial emissary. Fuck, was this hallucination?

~Either I hear you or a really good mental version of you.~ Who was about to gut him, he was sure, because he was left floating in his mind's own eye and no way out.

~Your mind is intact. This is good news~ Todd seemed to reach for him ~Come with me. You can wake now. I have dealt with those who were hurting you.~

~I didn't know I was asleep.~ Waking. It seemed a simple enough order but John couldn't work out how to do it. He could only reach back to Todd.

Somehow he had hold of him and was pulling him up towards consciousness until he blinked and squinted at the real light around him. Shit, he felt... strange. As if he was only lightly in his body.

"Sheppard, they had you a long time. You will be weak. Drink this water."

He'd always been pretty grounded in his body, so the feeling of not being 100% there was weird. ~Thanks.~ His throat felt too dry and with movement came the aches and pains tangled up with that vague physical connection.

~It is my fault. He is ambitious and challenges me at every turn. To keep my word to you, I will have to give you what information I have found of your companions and set you loose. Otherwise they will do this until you die of it, or break. Either is not an option I wish to consider.~ The water was handed to him and Todd was looking at him intently. ~What did they get from you?~

~No clue. That was a Wraith interrogation like nothing I've ever... thought of.~ He clutched at the water for a moment and seemed to remember that he was supposed to drink it.

~Let me see your recent memories, Sheppard~ Todd requested and he sounded concerned. The sad thing was he was so starved of contact that he *wanted* more of it. Needed something.

~Go for it.~ He had to concentrate for a moment, carefully dropping his guard.

He caught the flickering glimpses of some of what he experienced and felt Todd's presence there, somehow comforting compared to the others and he knew that was wrong, terribly wrong somehow and a version of maybe some sort've brainwashing but it was hard to not embrace it.

~You gave them nothing of us~ Todd said in relief. ~Impressive. You have resisted a great deal more than most. We must find a means of getting you to your friends. I can use this as an excuse. Send you to recover somewhere.~

~Not back with the Wraith worshippers. They were nice, but I'd prefer to pass on that unless I can get to the gate...~ And not find it in the middle of the city again.

~No, Sheppard, you misunderstand me,"~ Todd replied. ~I will give you supplies and information and then you will have to find your own way. I will dissemble to the others that I took you to sanctuary. My word will be kept. Honor it seems has changed in the years I was captive of the Genii.~

~War changes honor,~ John shrugged, trying to move a little more, trying to sit up and orient himself. ~It shouldn't, but it does. With supplies and information, I think I can make my own way.~

~Good. I will find a means to contact you if there is need. Time for one last performance, Sheppard. I shall carry you from this place as if gravely ill. ~ Todd said shifting. ~None will contest my right then to challenge that one or to not have you close. Are you ready?~

~Ready.~ Faking gravely ill wouldn't be a problem, given how weak he felt but if there was escape on the horizon then he was willing to look like some melodramatic victim, hung loosely in Todd's grip. It wasn't the way out he would've chosen; that would've involved a lot more explosions and drama, but a way out was a way out and with any luck he could find Teyla and Ronon and..

Then things would not be like being alone at least.

* * *

Morova was a market world, partly because the native Morovan's were inveterate bargain hunters and would buy and sell moonlight if they could find a way to bottle it. It made for a bustling world and a good place to get information. Teyla often came here in her capacity as the Athosian Trade Master and also in the hopes of being more firm about making alliances. That was one thing that being with the people from Earth had taught her, they had to make alliances. Ronon came with her, interested in hunting Wraith, military alliances and information. Frankly the news in the markets was not good. It seemed either the Wraith were changing tactics or there was another enemy afoot.

Ronon came back through the crowds even as she was bartering for some Ileia spices which would please Halling a great deal. He looked concerned.

"Hey."

She had been about to ask him what the look of concern was for when he offered, "Someone's been asking about us by description."

"Us?" That was troubling. "Someone come to trade? Who told you this information, Ronon?" Teyla was distracted from her spices, frowning as she immediately started to look around at her surroundings with more caution.

"Bartender in the main square." Ronon had a habit of making friends in the local inns and it had served them well in the past.

"Did he describe who it was who was asking and when he was here?" Teyla queried in significant alarm. She was racking her memory to think who it could possibly be. Genii perhaps?

"He was here not long ago. He's probably still planet side. Clothes like a known Wraith worshipping group." Ronon folded his arms over his chest, eyeing the crowds.

Wraith Worshipper. Teyla almost felt her lip curl in revulsion. Life was hard enough without their own kind turning on them. The horror of seeing John tortured to death in that manner had given her nightmares that had yet to pass. It was all of their worst nightmares. To be helpless and drained by a Wraith. The Colonel had deserved an end with more dignity. Rodney had said that he had gone down fighting before the Wraith fed on him for the last time.

She knew Ronon felt his absence keenly and by the time the Ancestors had returned and evicted them all, he had already been considering leaving.

"We shall find him," she said. "Where should we begin?"

"Back in the bar," Ronon shrugged. It did seem logical, particularly if the location were a trap of some sort.

They were not easily caught. Rodney, Carson and Major Lorne had come to them both privately, discretely arranging for items to have been deemed "broken" on their return manifest so that they could benefit from some of the technology not reclaimed by the Ancients. They had some P-90s, ammunition, medical supplies and even Rodney's own version of a life signs detector, though he had called it pathetically limited. That and the clothing, blankets, and tools that had been slipped to them by all manner of people from Earth had left them in a very strong situation.

She nodded and headed that way, scanning the crowds for anyone wearing Wraith worshipper style clothing.

It was easiest to spot because it was clean. Few travellers kept their clothes that white, that bright, because it was a risk and it drew the eye. It was only used for holidays and celebrations even for the most well-off of people...

There, a scrap of white walking through the crowds, away from the bar.

Ronon glanced at her and she nodded. The pair moved surreptitiously to flank the person in white. Ronon prowled close and at her nod closed in and ambushed the man, carrying him to the ground in one swift movement.

"Hey, Ronon," a familiar voice drawled from beneath the Satedan. "Oof, you’ve not got any lighter."

"You... Sheppard!" Ronon knelt back, staring down at him while John twisted and tried to get himself upright. Perhaps they had mistaken him for a Wraith worshipper, when he was possibly dressed as an Ancient. Perhaps they were back. Perhaps the Daedalus had come back... "I've missed you."

"Hey, hey, fragile here,” John wheezed.

"John?” Teyla looked at him. "Colonel Sheppard, is that truly you?"

He exhaled hard and waved one hand, weapon easily in sight. "Yeah. You guys have no idea how glad I am to see you or how much of a pain it was to find you two."

"We have moved frequently," Teyla said in shock. "Ronon help him up. John, Rodney said that you had been killed. We saw the video transmission...how can this happen?"

"Todd grabbed me and took off with me to save my life. I'm here, but, apparently I missed out on a lot of things." It was heartening that it truly *was* John, because he saw him look around for signs of threats. "Have we got somewhere quiet to talk?"

"Yes, we can find somewhere. And something less conspicuous to wear," Teyla said. John would not be a Wraith worshipper but she had heard of strange conversions in whispers. They could not be totally sure just now.

"You look skinnier than usual, Sheppard," Ronon said helping him up.

"It's hard to put on weight when you're a captive." It was enough to make Teyla wonder. Not John, though, not John of all people. He couldn't be a plant of that type. "Thanks."

There were places, discreet places here where people made deals and talked business and Teyla knew of a couple close enough that it was easy to steer them both in that direction. As she did so, she kept looking at John and noting difference. He looked young. As young, if not younger than he had before the Genii took the both of them but Ronon was right, he was thin and there was a look in his eyes that told her things had not been easy.

They entered a tavern and she had a few words before ushering them into one of the trading rooms along with some of the local brew.

"Now we can talk," she announced. "We wish to know how it can be that you have survived, John. We went back to the planet and believed we found evidence of your remains."

"The Wraith we were with -- and I sort of named him Todd -- kept his word. Mostly. He fed life back into me but I was still shot. So instead of trying to get me to dial Atlantis, he dropped me off at a 'safe planet' by his standards." John glanced around, still on edge as he kept his voice low.

"Wraith worshippers?" Ronon surmised. "That's where you've been all along?"

"Gate was in the damn center of the city and I was their favorite celebrity. I think I was there for maybe four, five months? And then I was on a Hive ship with Todd. They're struggling to try to take out the replicators but since I'm not Rodney, I wasn't very useful."

Teyla looked at him. "John, you have not... We encountered some of Ronon's Satedan friends who had been converted by the Wraith to be their worshippers. It is difficult to ask but..."

"She wants to know how we can trust you considering people I'd known all my life tried to kill me," Ronon said.

It made John falter and that helped a little. There was no bravado in his face as he looked between them and then down at the old, scarred tabletop. "I don't know. I mean, if this is your way of telling me to get a move on, okay. I just, I thought after the city fell they might have left you with a way to contact them. That McKay or Elizabeth or Beckett or Radek would've, hell, or even Lorne, he stepped up into my place after I was taken, didn't he?"

“No, John," Teyla said, putting her hand out to rest on his. "No, we do not wish you to leave but I need to be able to say my people I am sure of your loyalties as there were those who lost kin in the incident with Tyre."

"I'll stand responsible for him," Ronon said immediately and grinned at John. "Been a long time since I had to stun him. Kinda miss it."

The edges of John's mouth curled up. "You have no idea how much I'd give to be back in the city having the two of you kick my ass with Bantu sticks. Or anything. It's good to see you both."

Teyla smiled. "They left us with many things from Atlantis, but without the gate it is unlikely we can contact them. Still, we were given an emergency IDC should circumstances change and a beacon if the Daedalus should return some day. Otherwise, John, I am afraid the Ancestors were not responsive to anyone using them as intermediaries. It took much persuasion for them to allow General O'Neill to be there."

"Didn't do them much good," Ronon said, moving closer to John.

"What happened to O'Neill?" John sounded resigned, watching Ronon and Teyla openly. There was no deceit in his eyes and Teyla had been willing to admit that Ronon's Satedan friends had seemed... a little too good to be true.

"We believe there was a battle and he was rescued. It was thought the Asurans and Atlantis were both destroyed," Teyla answered, looking deeper again. It was John, John as she had only really seen him at their first meeting, unsure and alone, but still John.

Ronon snorted. "Yeah well, they missed a spot," he said. "Things are getting bad."

"They're culling planets before the Wraith can." So John truly had been given information by the Wraith, or he had gathered it himself while looking for Ronon and Teyla. "How long has it been?"

"It has been nearly a year since Kolya captured you and Dr McKay. Rodney was very distressed afterwards at the news of your death, as were we all," Teyla said gently. "You have information of the Wraith?"

"We could use that," Ronon said. "What they are doing, because things are getting hard."

"They're trying to break the program that returned the Replicators to their original MO. They were the ones who originally shut if *off*. That's... what they're doing." John shrugged, and then there was a look on his face as he obviously had a thought. "Niam."

"Niam? The one that rebelled?" Teyla asked. "What of him?"

"Floating in space, frozen solid, I thought," Ronon contributed.

"Exactly. He's not active. He wouldn't have been updated when the replicators revised their own code," John pointed out.

Teyla frowned. "What would be his usefulness?" she asked and this felt familiar. John with crazy ideas that somehow seemed to work.

"Todd's looking for the original code. I wish we had the technology to do this ourselves. Do we know anyone who has a ship, who's still alive?"

"We can find someone," Teyla asserted. "The truth is, there are very few with the gene, John. Artifacts of the Ancestors exist, useless save to those with the ability. And of those that have it, most do not have the background to fly, or understand their uses. We will find a ship."

"We're helping the Wraith?" Ronon seemed a little discomfited by that.

"Yeah, well. If I can avoid it, I'm going to. If we can find a ship, we won't have to contact any of them. I have half a fear that they might reprogram the replicators into allies if they had the base code." John glanced down at the table again. "I'm almost glad I didn't think of it until now."

"But...we do not have the skills to reprogram the base code," Teyla acknowledged. "I do not know of anyone who does."

They would have to deal with the Wraith.

"So say we do this,” Ronon said. "What then? Stop them attacking humans, keep them attacking Wraith? Stop them doing both?"

"The best we could hope for if we worked *with* Todd would be if we returned them to a bored, neutral kind of state that we found them in," John decided. "I need McKay here."

"John..." Teyla looked at him and could see a sort of desperation in him. "We do not have a means of contacting them. But...."

She glanced at Ronon. "Perhaps in the time it will take to find a craft, the Daedalus will return and we can send a message."

Perhaps. The Daedalus had yet to return and Teyla did not expect the Earth humans to send help. Not just then. They had their own concerns, and no matter what John thought, they placed their home planet before any planet in Pegasus.

Right now though as she watched John grasp on to that faint hope like it was going to save his life, she couldn't disillusion him. And the part of herself that had to make hard decisions and be in control after they had returned to the other galaxy whispered quietly that they needed John Sheppard here one way or another.

* * *

Somehow, he couldn't seem to have an easy life. Finding the puddlejumper had been one thing, getting it back had been something else. Some thoughtful Ancient had parked it in a cave. A cave that was in the first instance, structurally unsound and in the second instance, full of rather large lynx- type felines that seemed to enjoy using the top of the puddlejumper as a place to lie and consider how best to jump on people below.

At least that was how they discovered they were there, when they tried jumping down on them all, two pinning Ronon until he barreled into them both at speed. He ended up with a face full of heavy panther-thing bouncing on him and trying to bite his throat until Ronon righted himself and stunned them both.

He was bruised and scratched but hey, puddlejumper. And more to the point, a working puddlejumper, unlike the other one they spent weeks hunting down. It had good spares though.

Right now, he soaked in the hot springs near the village and apparently no landsquid stew tonight, thank god.

Not that he had a problem with the landsquids. It was food and Teyla was right -- kind of weirdly, a person could get fat living off of them, which made John wonder what the hell the landsquids lived off of on an average day. They'd bartered for a little meat and bread from the village, a soft savory flatbread.

Home was a dwelling that had ended up being his after one of the Athosians had left to marry on another world. The fire was crackling and it was small and cozy and... empty.

He could go out to the communal long hall or the dance square, but it was so damn difficult.

It wasn't any place where he fit. It wasn't home and it wasn't right, even though he appreciated the sense of acceptance that he Athosians had given. He had a home, he had a place at the fire if he wanted, he had a welcome spot in the hunts, in the harvest and planting season. But it wasn't what he did, anymore than it was what Ronon or Teyla did.

He was just a killer.

Admittedly, he was good at that, but that wasn't something to be proud of and he was impossibly far from any home. It took him back to missions in the middle of the night, outcast even then and it was going to be the same here. He got things done, he came up with plans, made allies even with the goddamn Genii because that was more important than he was, but at the end of the day...

Empty place to stay. He even found himself missing the intimate level of contact he'd had with Todd.

It wasn't Todd, though. It was anyone at all, any human being at all. Before that last Genii capture, he hadn’t felt alone nearly as often as he did now. He'd had Rodney to turn to when he felt restless, whether it was to harass him and play games or just make him watch a movie. He'd had Lorne to turn to, because Lorne understood the military and the red tape they had to jump through and he was a good commander and he made light of it a lot. It helped. That sense of understanding, of connection was like sex, but better in a lot of ways.

He just wished...He wished that the time he got to have sex with Rodney hadn't been effectively rape. Yeah, he'd been tied but he'd got it up and ... Fuck, what did it matter. He was doing all this as if he was ever going to make it back and he knew he was going to die fighting out here. He just wanted to do that with some decisive victory. Save the Pegasus galaxy from the menace he woke up. If he hadn't come along, Teyla would've lived her life in peace.

Best to just stay by his fire and try and work on remembering and working through all the things Rodney had ever tried to explain to him. He didn't have Rodney, so he had to be his own mad scientist.

He had papers, inks, some references from the Genii and the Hoffans, the Olesians, a few Ancient outposts. He had his Masters in Applied Mathematics, which was somewhat less than useful, but it was a basis for that kind of expansive theoretical thought. Except that John knew he was out of his league.

The fact remained, that he was the only one who knew what the league was. Not to say that they were stupid, but there were very few societies in Pegasus that weren't about 60 years behind Earth and, then there was the fact they had come to Pegasus and skipped god knows how far ahead.

So here he was taking days to do things he'd seen Rodney do in minutes, struggling with technology but piecing it together. With the Ancient technology he 'talked' with it some to get ideas -- something that came in strangely clearer after coming back from being Todd's pet.

He was stiff and sore and concentrating was hard. He poked at the fire a little more and froze as he heard footsteps.

There wasn't a single damn reason to freeze. It wasn't like Kolya was going to stomp through the heavy weighted flap of his tent. If anyone, it was going to be Halling. Or one of the boys coming around looking for a story. John had half an inkling that Halling was interested in a roll in the hay, but Rodney had always said that John never saw it coming.

"Sheppard." Ronon stuck his head in the flap. "Thought I'd check you didn't fall asleep in the springs or something."

"It was pretty tempting," John grinned, shutting the 'book' he'd made out of a sheaf of papers. "Anything interesting going on?"

"Nope." Ronon let himself in. "They are telling stories of our heroic battles with the Ghila today. They tell a lot of stories. Thought you'd avoid it."

"Remind me who the Ghila were again?" John leaned back in his chair, stretching and popping his back.

"Cat-things. I think," Ronon said. "You got pretty close to a couple of them getting them off my back."

John wasn't sure but he had a feeling Ronon was trying to thank him. It could be like that with Ronon sometimes.

"Those, right. I keep calling them lynxes. They're something like we had back home. Believe me, it's not a problem. I'll probably do it again."

"Yeah well... thanks," Ronon said and sounded hesitant. "They mark you up any? I didn't see you go to Yarin to get patched up?"

"Got a few scratches, I took care of it here in the tent." It meant he was less of a burden, less of a problem.

"Yeah? Checked your back? Their scratches infect easily," Ronon said, moving closer and that was...well, it was a bit strange. For Ronon at least.

"Really?" That surprised him, because Teyla was usually the first one to mention things like infectious bites and scratches.

Ronon looked at him and grinned. "Nah. I thought I'd come and see if you wanted to fuck or something."

That was like a brick to the chest and John laughed. "Wow, okay, that's a good one. Are you kidding me, or...?"

"Nope," Ronon answered, deliberately using Earth slang. "I could tell you it’s a tradition when it comes to saving lives but if that were true, we'd've been doing it for years now. You're into men aren't you?"

Sure. Sure he was, but it was out of the blue and John needed a minute to process it, looking back at Ronon in the firelight. "I don't know, I might've bought that it was a tradition."

"Look, Satedan soldiers, warriors are really close. Really close. It's pretty much encouraged and Earth rules are stupid. It still happens even if people don't ask or tell," Ronon said. He went quiet for a moment. "I know what it's like to be the outsider. You gave me more than a chance."

"I just don't need you doing this if it's..." Not something he actually wanted, because he still had that hang-up with Rodney in his head even though he was never going to see Rodney.

"Yeah, like you could make me do something I didn't want to, Sheppard," Ronon quirked a smile. "I'd like to see you try."

"Wouldn't ever happen," John grinned a little. Then again, he'd thought that about Rodney. "I just, uh. It's sort of a shock."

"Teyla told me to be subtle," Ronon said, moving next to him. "How did I do?"

From the way he was smiling, John knew Ronon was deliberately playing in to his reputation.

"I'm not looking to get married. But this is... warrior stuff."

"Warrior stuff," John repeated and when Ronon was in his personal space, he was in it.

"You can say no if you want," Ronon said, not backing off. "Even I wasn't as alone when I was running. You've been a good Taskmaster. It was a sign of favor for the taskmaster to do this.”

And back at Atlantis, there was no way that he could have said yes. Except now, now he was so far removed from his own people that it didn't matter, did it? "No, I think I've adjusted now."

"That's good." Ronon grinned at him again and it always made him look young. "That bit was true about the taskmaster." His hand was finding its way around his back. "Not gonna tell you what we used to do though."

"Now, that's just cruel. It didn't involve Bantu sticks, did it?" John moved into Ronon finally and it wasn't a forever kind of thing, but John could see the sense of it.

"That's Teyla's idea of fun, though, y'know, if you want me to beat the crap out of you before we do anything all you have to do is ask." Ronon's voice was low anyway but now it was practically a rumble and he turned to take hold of him. "Don't know how you like it."

“Any way I can get it." And when he said it like that, he sounded lonely, miserable but it was true. Ronon was offering: John wasn't going to crassly say 'no' when he meant 'yes yes yes'.

"Deserve better than that John," Ronon answered matter of factly and he was kissing him then, leaning into him hard and fast, sure about what he was doing, even if John wasn't.

"I take what I can," John murmured, leaning into Ronon and he was pretty sure he was going to get swept away, because Ronon knew what he was doing and John really didn't have a thought in his head.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about Ronon before. Maybe not as often as Rodney, but... Ronon was very distracting in the way he moved, his pure physicality. Teyla as well, stunning and strong. There were a lot of people he had restrained himself from being involved with over the years and now the rules were out of the window - and so were Ronon's inhibitions. He didn't need to think because Ronon was getting his clothes off, covering him with his own body, liking to move him and feel John grip back at him. His dreadlocked hair pattered against his chest when Ronon pushed it back so he could explore his neck and it lay heavy and warm on him in a way that was suddenly acutely intimate.

John was glad that the stiff rope bed was one he'd tightened earlier that week, because he was on his back and Ronon was over him.

Ronon seemed to be fascinated with his scars, which was just as well because he had a large collection now and his mouth traced over the feeding scar. Todd hadn't done it often but there had been times in front of Wraith of other hive where he had fed and given back life. Enough that he was always going to have the mark there. And the bullet wounds, the injuries... but to Ronon they seemed the most attractive thing.

"This is what he did…" Ronon murmured against his skin. "We thought you dead but it never takes you, never."

"Death doesn't like me," John sighed, letting a hand tangle in Ronon's hair. "You're stuck with me for a while."

"Good, because I figure you've got a year or so's worth of sex to catch up on," Ronon murmured. "I'm gonna suck you hard then take your ass. Sound like a plan?"

"Oh, fuck, yeah, yeah, that sounds like a hell of a plan. Yeah..."

He should've known Ronon would treat his 'plan' with the same sort've full on attention he gave their actual tactics. He was pressed down as the Satedan worked his way down and tugged his pants down. One large hand planted on his chest to keep him still as he really did suck him hard. It was hot and fast, a little wild and rough and completely fantastic. It was intimate and relaxing, the kind of relaxing that he could get used to, even if it was being pinned down while he was given an enthusiastic blowjob.

Somewhere in the middle of the movement of slick heat from Ronon's mouth, he felt equally slick fingers pressing at his ass, teasing and then pushing inside slowly in time with the sucking.

There was no way that he was going to say no, or not enjoy it. John shifted his legs, spread them, and started to hump his ass back against those fingers. Just what he needed. "Ronon..."

Ronon looked up at him "Yeah?" He smirked a little. "The way I want to fuck you I don't think this bed'll take it."

He started tugging them both, blanket furs and all onto the floor near the fire, never letting go. "Better."

Close, skin on skin, muscle flexing against his own when they moved onto the floor and all John could briefly think of was that if the furs caught fire, they'd be screwed. "Much better. The floor won't collapse."

"Mmm...” Ronon leaned over him. "Face up, face down?" He was still feeling him almost compulsively and John had the sudden amused thought that this was Ronon being cautious and gentle. That was kinda hot to think about as well. That Ronon was being slow for him.

"Face up. I'm kind of enjoying the person to person of this."

Ronon smiled again and moved in between his legs over him, finger reaching for his ass again just to check before he moved in. Slicking his cock with whatever passed for lube here and then nudging against him until he found the spot and then slowly but inexorably pushing into him.

It wasn't the height of romance or the depth of passion but it was good, and it was contact. And it was Ronon, and the fact that they hadn't done it before was amazing, along with the fact that Ronon really had twisted his legs up over his shoulders like that.

Wow, he was probably going to feel that in the morning but from the size of Ronon, and let’s face it he was no slouch in that department himself but Ronon did have the balls as advertised, it was mainly going to be his ass feeling it. It was good to lose himself to Ronon's seemingly endless stamina and for a time he wasn't thinking about anything except wanting it faster or harder. He must've said something because Ronon was gradually picking up the pace and leaning into his thrusts.

His back was going to be killing him and so was his ass, but it was worth it to feel that sharply alive again, to feel muscle on muscle and heat against his body and to feel wanted.

Even if it were just for the white hot moment of climax, the closeness that came with two orgasms happening back to back. John could go with that because he'd been a long time without anything, for all the offers the Wraith worshippers made. Even so, he wasn't strictly sure what they had been up to when he'd been drugged off of his head.

In the end it was enough to leave him panting and sticky and blissed out.

He could just lay back, feel stamped down, ground and fur against the back of his head, see Ronon over him while he stretched one leg out. "Damn."

"Not bad," Ronon said, sprawling over him. "You haven't done that for a while from the feel."

"Yeah, it's been a while,” John exhaled hard, letting his arms wrap around Ronon as the other man sprawled, pulling at the blankets. "Thanks."

Ronon nuzzled at him. "Want me to stay tonight?" he murmured and showed no sign of giving him a choice about the matter.

John didn't bother not smiling at that and just let his fingers wander the broad swath of Ronon's back. "Yeah. I think I'd like that."

The younger man grunted a little and he could feel his smile against his skin. "Good. Tomorrow we'll go kick some ass. We're good at that."

And tomorrow night, barring any interesting wounds, he'd go back to trying to pretend he was half as intelligent as Rodney. "We are," John agreed with a crooked grin.

* * *

No one particularly liked dealing with the Genii but when it came to preserved food, they were certainly a step up from dried meats. Without the Atlantis gate, the trip to above Lantea was going to have a long journey time, even with short cuts. He needed a few weeks worth of food to make the pick up so he was here to conduct the trade.

With the Genii. Still, he forced himself to look relaxed as he went to the rendezvous spot.

He was armed, sure, wearing Athosian clothes, but with a good old p-90, so that made him feel better. If it was a Genii he recognized, he was fully braced and ready for the snarky 'How the mighty have fallen' comments.

He knew how far he'd fallen, without a safety net and was still falling even now. Ronon and Teyla helped him back but...

Ronon was getting interested in someone from the settlement and their arrangement was fading a little. It was nice that they'd had the arrangement at all but John was missing the intimacy and he had a sense that Teyla wasn't someone to approach about that kind of thing. It just went against his principles.

Teyla was the leader again. Her main concern was the Athosians and that was the problem. Everyone had a personal agenda, their people safe above all else. Except him. He had no people any more.

He reached the spot and looked around. Frankly he couldn't give a shit if the Genii ambushed him.  
He was tired and he couldn't think to be afraid of the possible abuse he might face. He needed the supplies for the trip and it wasn't as if he was a useful leverage piece any longer.

John still didn't expect to see Acastus Kolya come crashing out of the woods. "Rumors of your death were apparently just that, Sheppard."

He managed to not pull the trigger. "Kolya. Demoted to food drops huh?" He'd been banking on Kolya being disgraced, not jumping out at him.

"I had heard rumors that the Athosians had taken you in, and wanted to see for myself. Is Doctor McKay among you, also?"

"No,” John said shortly, tilting his head just a little. "Sorry, just me, so there's no one to try and coerce, or anything else."

He didn't give a shit about their power plays within the Genii. Kolya was obviously back in the frame so did that mean that Ladon was dead?

Or that the Genii had reformed into one, un-split entity again?

"That is a shame," Kolya stated. "I have a few items with me that he might have found of excessive worth."

"Oh yeah?" John raised his eyebrows a little. "I can take a look. You never know, they might still be useful."

He wasn't Rodney, but he had to be Rodney. What he lacked in a Rodney type genius he tried to leapfrog with his connection to the Ancient technology. Since he was being left more to his own devices, he had spent more and more time with the recovered puddlejumper, learning it, tweaking here and there, fixing things. Rodney would've mocked him for doing what he'd left to him before, but the truth was he did listen.

Just, maybe not as much as he was supposed to have. John stared at Kolya while he stepped towards him, fishing with one distracted hand into a leather sack. "Ancient technology. I know that the Athosians bartered for preserved foods and I thought -- why. Why do a nomadic people who have more than proficient skills with drying racks need preserved foods?"

John looked at him. "We have a plan that...might do something about the current problems in the galaxy," he said cautiously. "Rather ironically, we really are on the same side now. So if you think they might help... show me. If not, we'll do it without your help."

"The supply of preserved foods is coming," Kolya said carefully, holding the piece of equipment out. "There's more. I don't know what use it is to you."

John took the item, immediately feeling it connect and thrum into life as it lit up. "Huh," he said as he examined the casing and mentally queried 'what are you?'

Immediately he started getting images. Images of crystals, a control crystal growing slowly, slowly, and then a slot in something that looked familiar. Like the puddlejumper and then finally the distinct sensation and look of a hyperspace jump.

Kolya had just given him a hyperspace crystal module for small crafts and he would've killed for something like that before. And now, it would mean that the rather tenuous reasoning that the Asuran could not penetrate a puddle jumpers cloak might not have to be tested. "It could be useful," he said. "What do you want for it?"

"I want to take part in whatever mission you're undertaking." So he was still a free-agent, then.

"Why?" John asked, looking at him. "No offense, but last time we met up, you were pretty committed to torturing McKay and myself to death and it looked pretty personal."

"I was expecting you to beg for Doctor Weir to comply when I put you on screen." Kolya shrugged his shoulders blandly.

John had to assume that this had always been the case in the past. Everyone must've broken after the Wraith. He just had to be different. "We don't negotiate. But there's no one to negotiate with now."

If he had the hyperdrive module, he could make the run now, not go back. There and back in a short period of time and then to find Todd. He could take that chance.

"Okay, you want in? I'm going to take a mission to the local space over Atlantis," he said.

"I want in. And I want to know why. I want to be useful in this fight. Cowan reduced our people to surviving and little else. What we can contribute are parts of a whole."

He couldn't believe he was considering this, but he could make a deal with a Wraith who had sucked out his life if it got him what he needed. "In space above Atlantis there is a...sleeping Replicator. I am going with my ship to retrieve it and then take it to my good buddy, the Wraith that you allowed to suck me dry. He's got the means to work on shutting the codes down if he has something to work with. The Replicators are killing them directly and indirectly by wiping out humans."

"And here we stand, attacked on two sides." Kolya lifted his chin, and turned to look over his shoulder. "Strange alliance. I did not expect you and that Wraith to escape together."

"I take my allies where I find them. Who knew that Wraith has a sense of honor?" John shrugged. "If you're serious about this, Kolya, then let’s do it.”

If he tried to take him out in the puddlejumper, he'd strand himself. It would be a good way of testing him out. He held up the item. "This pretty much means I don't need that preserved food, because it's a hyperdrive module for a craft like mine. Something that only I can fly and with it, we could make this trip in a day or so rather than weeks."

"I've seen how your Ancient equipment works," Kolya scoffed. "Wait a few moments, and they'll be here with the food. I would rather not starve."

John nodded curtly to that. They'd paid for the food, so he was going to wait. The pod... a glorified stasis pod he'd gone back and found at the Tower and managed with too much swearing to get to talk to the jumper systems, was installed and ready. It was just the food. Ronon had talked at one time of going with him. He'd half liked that idea, but Ronon had other concerns.

Ronon had a woman who would probably soon become his wife and John liked her, which was maybe the worst part. She was a lot like Teyla, like most Athosian women -- hard working, kick ass, and John wasn't going to be jealous. Ronon had never said what they had was serious. The goddamn irony was that Teyla had spoken to him of how proud and pleased she was of what he was doing for Ronon. She'd told him then of the distrust and betrayal of Ronon's original Taskmaster and how that had made him wary. But that apparently in taking him to his bed, he had given him confidence and in allowing Ronon to top -- apparently something done by only those Taskmasters who trusted that soldier with their heart and soul -- he had given him back a feeling of trust and caring that had been deeply buried.

And allowed him to develop normal relationships as a result.

He coasted through the food drop off and got them to place it right next to the invisible jumper. Kolya was still there with him as he waited for the others to leave.

It just sort of twigged in the back of his head that what John wanted wasn't a normal relationship. Not really much by anyone's standards. Sort of an interim thing, yeah, he was good for that but otherwise, no. It just hung in his head and John didn't know what to do with that.

Kolya probably wouldn't, either, and that was a grim thought, too. "Just where is your ship, Sheppard?"

"Y'know, I always have trouble remembering where I park it," he drawled. Just as well Ronon hadn't come along. He probably would've shot Kolya straight off. He thought the cloak off and smirked. "Oh hey, there it is."

About a meter away from them both.

"Your trick does not impress me." Kolya moved to grab a portion of the food, though, apparently to take it on board.

"C'mon, Kolya...” He deliberately drawled the name. "Lighten up. It's a cool thing. Don't you like to see cool things?"

He started lifting crates inside, as well stowing them near the pod. It wouldn't take long.

"I am more interested in seeing your ship fly." Of seeing Atlantis and it wasn't hard to remember the circumstances under which he'd first met the man.

"You'll be flying with it." John dragged in another crate and then reached for the slot he had seen in the images from the module. It turned out to need some work and much to his surprise he actually seemed to know what he was doing. It was sort've soothing in a strange way, helped quell the restless feelings that Kolya had hurt Rodney, hurt him, invaded Atlantis....and here he was making nice .

Rodney would've done it. Grudgingly, but they’d made nice with the Genii for tech before and made nice with the Wraith. It was about surviving and John focused on that as he moved crystals.

He was half disturbed to recognize that this mindset felt familiar. Familiar as the years of Black Ops, the mantra of his commanding officer repeating in his head 'Make friends of your enemies, enemies of your friends, whatever it takes to get the fucking job done.'

He'd lived by that for a long time, though it lost him his marriage and left him hollow. Now he was going to do it again and...

With a click and a hum, the module fired up and he grinned. "C'mon, Kolya. Buckle up, we've got somewhere to be."

"If this fails, we should have sufficient supplies to survive." Kolya sat down, awkwardly buckling himself into the copilot's chair.

John glanced over, made sure he was situated and then lifted the jumper up in takeoff.

It wasn't exactly the most comfortable journey he'd been on. Usually with Rodney there had been a constant stream of information flowing back and forward. Rodney would start off on something like the state of breakfast and in the next hour they would've covered everything from quantum dynamics, to Batman, to the stupidity of people who couldn't read simple warnings, and yes Colonel that includes you, back through to some childhood trauma, and Rodney was so open, he couldn't understand how he had never known about his physical condition.

Kolya didn't talk much, just watched him as he let the puddlejumper talk to him. He was a little disappointed to find out that the hyper drive crystal was only designed for short hops. He had had a vague thought of pushing it to cross the galactic gulf but the amount of time it would take to do a bit, then pause, then another would cut the journey time, but only to around a year and that was assuming it wouldn't burn out.

But it was still better. He could move to the nearest gate to the city, and then hop and hop there. In the silence, with Kolya watching everything he did.

Teyla and Ronon were going to kick his ass. And he was going to have to get his cargo to Todd which meant going back to the planet where Todd had left the beacon and setting it off and hoping Todd hadn't been lying about it being undetectable to other Wraith.

"Y'know..." he said after a lengthy silence as they got closer. "I'll probably have to drop you off before I deliver any cargo to the Wraith."

"Why?" Kolya probably had decided he was in for a penny, in for a pound, but he might just end up snack food.

"Because the Wraith I'm contacting is the one that you held captive and starved for however the hell long it was," John answered. "I could be totally wrong but he might not be very forgiving. But then you might know better."

He might be able to stop Todd from killing Kolya but he wouldn't like to put bets on it.

It might be worth it just to take the bastard with him, John knew. "And he's your ally?" Kolya's mouth was twitching a little. "Are you sure he's not just looking for your strangely gendered Doctor McKay?"

"Right now the Wraith are as screwed as we are," John replied. The thought had crossed his mind. "The fact is, there's no way to Dr McKay without taking Atlantis back. They'll have locked down my codes because I was reported dead. I'm not saying he wouldn't be interested but…"

"Your codes to your shields," Kolya guessed, watching him like he was prey that might cave or give something interesting away as long as he kept talking.

"Yeah. I'm dead to them, Kolya. They've gone, I'm stuck out here and I've got nothing better to do than try and see if I can keep my friends alive from Replicators and Wraith. And if that means being allies with one over another, for the time being I'll do it. How's the Genii Federation doing?”

"We're surviving." It was tight lipped and John guessed that a lot of the trip was going to be that way.

"Ladon still around or did you kill him?" John asked politely with a twitch of a smile.

"Do you think so little of the Genii?" Yeah, and it made John wonder if that was some polite way of saying that Ladon was dead.

"Give me a reason to think otherwise. Every time I've met you so far, you've been trying to kill off or depose your own leadership," John replied. "Are you a free agent or are you following a command structure."

"I'm part of our federation. Ladon, if that is what you're so concerned about, is still alive." Kolya leaned back in the chair, eyes focused to the outside of the cabin.

John found that just freakish. "So you hated him enough to torture us but now you and Ladon are buddies, or were you just fucking us over all the time?"

"We're not 'buddies'. We're at a disadvantage and need the alliance."

Right, so Kolya was his own group leader then. Huh. "So, what are you wanting?" he asked even as the Jumper started telling him they were coming up on their exit point.

"Information. An advantage. Your Lanteans were always strong."

"That was suspiciously close to a compliment," John replied raising his eyebrows. "Okay, we're coming up on the hyperspace window. We don't know if they have the means to pinpoint where we are behind a shield so I'm going to be making this as fast as possible. I'm gonna seal us in here and depressurize the rear then reverse over Niam's body when we locate it. I'm gonna launch a probe as a distraction so they will think that is the true meaning of the visit if they detect we and we might get some decent info anyway. If we start running hot, I'm gonna ask you to get him into that pod for me okay?"

"I'll do that." Kolya unbuckled his safety harness, tense and poised as if John wanted him to do that just in that moment.

"Here we go." The food was strapped down and hopefully wouldn't explode if it was a quick trip into vacuum. He closed the bulkhead in preparation and hoped that the memory he had of roughly where Niam was floating was enough.

And then they were out of hyperspace into real space and things got a little busy. Cloak on and heading to that area over the planet, he was genuinely getting information from the surface and it was worse than he thought. There were a lot of Aurora class cruisers in construction going on down there. Floating shipyards like unsightly barnacles attached to Atlantis's delicate snowflake shape. He launched a cloaked probe in the opposite direction and started scanning space for Niam.

Nothing.

"Where the fuck are you?" He really hoped that they hadn't located him, but then they would barely be showing up. The longer he was there, the more chance there was that they would be discovered.

Even deactivated by cold, if they extended their scanners far enough and intense enough it would've been like when they found Ford -- weak, but existent. "Is he orbiting?"

"He should be,” John said tersely, extending the scanner range and hoping like hell that the probe didn't trigger anything the Asurans' had. He could practically feel Atlantis reaching for him - maybe it was wish fulfillment but it felt the same as turning his back on someone crying for help as he finally found the small blip that was the near dormant power signature of Niam. "Got him."

Even as he started the maneuver and got into position, it seemed that yes, they had picked up something, the scan or otherwise, and there were drones on the way to investigate.

"Shit!" It wasn't the most elegant pick up but he didn't have time. Niam was in and he re-pressurized the back. "Look, we've got incoming fire. Get him in, but wear gloves. Don’t want you getting contaminated like Elizabeth did."

"No gloves. We'll have to make do." Kolya pulled his coat off and started towards the back, apparently intent on using it as some kind of buffer while he transferred Niam into the pod.

"Go, it’s clear!" John said, tracking the drones coming at him and preparing to take evasive action

How well gentle handling of a replicator and evasive action were going to work, time would tell.

He lost track of things for a moment as he had to evade the drones which were ten times worse than heat seekers. There was no handy snow bank when he needed it or for that matter an asteroid field which usually seemed to crop up for the majority of films that he could remember. They took a hit against the shields as he banked in an impossible turn and the bastards were trying to take out his engines, he could feel it.

Another glancing hit slammed him against the controls and he rolled them away hoping to hell Kolya had strapped in back there.

And there it was, the hyperspace crystal had recharged and he punched it getting the hell out of there.

They wouldn't be able to follow, and John thanked god silently as the warping colors of hyperspace took over his field of vision.

"He seems to be secured in the pod." Kolya deserted his coat on the floor, moving warily back into the cockpit area.

John wiped at the trickle of warmth he could feel on his face. Huh, must've cut something in the process of escape. "Well, I think I can say they picked up something."

He mentally called up the status of the pod and it looked good.

One inactive replicator, well preserved, still viable. There was that faint energy signature, but John hoped that Niam was disconnected from the system enough that once he got him to Todd, things would roll smoothly.

At the end of the day, that was going to be Todd's problem.

"You okay?" he asked Kolya. "I was tossing us around a bit at the end."

"I should be fine. What's the likelihood that I've been contaminated? Higher or lower than the likelihood that I have frostbite?" It was sharp-tongued and for a moment, John could imagine himself warming up to the bastard if they'd been trapped on a particularly long trip.

"Well we could wait and see if your hands fall off," John said. "Hold on, I should be able to get the jumper to scan you to double check if you can just...hold on a moment."

Rodney used to do this effortlessly; John had to plead and cajole with the Ancient systems, persuading them that hey, yeah it would be nice to just check this out.

After promising the puddlejumper the equivalent of a dinner date, he got it to comply and a scan of Kolya popped up on the screen. "Looks clear."

"Good. I would not expect a body so degraded to be a threat, but we know how insidious these replicators are," Kolya stated, siting back down in the co pilot's chair. "Are we going to meet your Wraith now?"

"Yeah. Well, send him an invite. You want to be dropped off, or you can take your chances?" John said, glancing sideways. Kolya reminded him of his Black Ops commander, the way he moved and watched.

"I'll take my chances for the information this might provide." Kolya was, had been, the Genii version of the same thing. Leading a small strike force to take over an unsuspecting city.

The really embarrassing thing was the distinct attraction he'd had for that commander. He hadn't acted on it, even after Nancy had divorced him, but his Commander had. One time, leading to something he hoped was real and turned out to be part of making friends your enemies part of his credo. That was the point he'd transferred away and another wall went up around his emotions.

"Well okay. Might take him a while to respond," John answered. "Make yourself comfortable."

Rodney would've made 'okay' noises and started to rummage for a power bar, while Kolya didn't move, just *looked* at him, and it was enough to make his hackles rise.

Eventually he looked back, holding that gaze. "What? What now?" he asked.

"I'm merely amused. That even without your people at your heels, you still fight. What do you have to fight for now?"

John was silent for a long moment. "I can't go home. I'm not going to have a home here." He grimaced a little. "I'm a soldier, all I know how to do is fight. I don't give a shit about which planet is in control, or which people are enemies with another. I'm just interested in stopping people from dying. Call it...restitution for the Wraith early wake up call."

"Most people would have justified that away by now," Kolya scoffed.

"Yeah well." John shrugged uncomfortably. "Reasons aren't the same as excuses." He always remembered every goddamn mistake he made in every detail. "The Wraith would've woken anyway, yeah I know that, but in the end I woke them when I killed that Queen."

"You did," Kolya agreed. "And yet here you are. Friend of many peoples."

"Maybe they just haven't got to know me well enough," John said and shrugged. He kept his voice drawling and light deliberately.

"Maybe they haven't," Kolya agreed flatly. "All of this could have been avoided, I suspect."

Yeah, that helped a lot. He didn't have anything to say to that so he didn't say anything. He just kept right on focusing on the reports from the jumper and looking out into space.

Waiting, hoping they'd be there soon, because it was impossible to not think of home and Earth and the city and Rodney.

* * *

John had said to Teyla, after Todd finally bothered to turn up, that the hardest thing about retrieving Niam and getting his frozen body to the Wraith was stopping Todd and Kolya from killing each other.

Ronon had been exceptionally pissed off that John had elected to work with Kolya rather than ritually disembowel him for treachery -- one of the milder options he had come up with, because none of them could think of a horror worse than being tied down and helpless with a Wraith feeding off of them.

Even so, he had been surprised, along with Teyla, and John himself when the reason behind Kolya's scrutiny and questions became apparent. All of a sudden the mighty Genii Federation, their allies and faction turned up on New Athos to express a desire to formally support their action against the replicators and the Wraith.

Suddenly John had crack troops to draw from, to deal with, and random people bringing him Ancient artifacts collected over many generations. Rodney would've been in heaven.

Right now, on missions like this as they were creeping through the enormous base trying to work out how to deal with it, they came in very useful. Instead of the four of them versus the galaxy, he had a couple of squads of the Genii elite guard roaming around as well.

And they *were* pretty damn elite, and it wasn't as if Kolya was hiding in the background doing nothing in the alliance. He was running raiding missions as a distraction while John and Ronon and Teyla and Sora's -- hell, that made him glad that Teyla and Sora had managed to mend their fences who knew when -- strike force all gathered in the bowels of a Wraith complex that Todd had 'tipped them off to'.  
The irony was, that instead of being the one running around with a gun he was the one using the Ancient tech scanners, linking in to things trying to find out what was going on and it really wasn't good.

"Okay guys..." he said over the radio. "We've got a ZPM in the building, maybe two, powering some manufacturing set up. We've got a helluva lot of Wraith here and..." He rounded a corner and looked at rows and rows of pods. "...and I think this place is about making armies of Wraith here. Everyone copy that?"

"Do you have a location for the ZPM’s?" That was Sora's voice, clearly whispered over the radio.

"Energy readings from hundred meters straight ahead of your position," John replied. "I'm seeing at least ten Wraith in that area."

Damn, they had to destroy this place. He'd have to overload the second one. "Teyla, take your team to back up Sora's and Ronon, I need you with me to give me cover while we overload the other one."

Rodney would have rigged something but all John could do was fall back on his black-ops training.

"Right." Ronon was short, while Teyla nodded and gestured for the three Athosians to follow her.  
Ronon was a team in his own right, and from the missions they'd been doing, that old dark feeling from his own military training had come back in. They were on killing missions, not exploration and when he wasn't being the one doing devices, he was killing with enough efficiency that even Ronon had looked surprised.

He gestured and they were off, moving fast into the depths of the complex. Very shortly he could hear gun fire and it degenerated into a running battle. They were nearly there and he was firing, running, glancing at his detector and there was a life sign flanking them, moving at Wraith speed but not a Wraith. He whirled and turned to fire... and nearly dropped his gun.

“Major!" It was Ford, half crazed look and all, and holy shit. There, of all places, he'd run into Ford again. He'd been right to assume that Ford wasn't dead, because he was still wearing parts of his old uniform, and a collection of guns from who knew where.

"Ford? Ronon, don't shoot!" It nearly threw him off of his focus. "Ford, what the hell are you doing here?"

The energy source was just up ahead, and yeah, definitely a ZPM. Damn shame, but one would do. Maybe they could get the Tower running better, or track down an Ancient warship. There were a few around. He could make do with one. Just one.

"What do you think? I'm stocking up."

"Jesus, Ford," John huffed. "Well I'm blowing the goddamn place up. You're coming with me this time."

Ford was the only other person in the galaxy who might even have a clue what he was talking about half the time. He reached the ZPM and performed his McKay inspired magic which was effectively him thinking very hard through to the device, 'you can cut loose now...yeah, ignore those safety protocols. Yeah I know it'll self destruct, but hey...’ until the machine told him what he had to press to get that to happen. It worked and the ZPM started pulsing and he tapped the radio. "Back to the jumper, ZPM or not. We've got 10 minutes to get clear. Let’s get the hell out of this hole."

"McKay teach you how to do that?" Ford asked, staring at John while Ronon started to get moving. The jumper could carry one more person, easy.

"Let’s just say, in the absence of everyone apart from myself, I've had to up my game on a few things,” John said glancing over at Ford. He still had the jet black eye but some of the Wraith shape to his features had gone. "Always did like blowing things up. "

"It's a damn shame I'm out of C4. Found an interesting source of explosives elsewhere, maybe we can discuss it sometime..." Ford glanced at Ronon, grinned a little. "You gonna grab that other ZPM or are we making a break for it?

"Someone else has that under control." he said as they jogged. "Teyla, Sora, you got it? If not leave it." No point risking their lives if they hadn't got it by now.

"Sora believes she -- yes, we have it and are heading to the Jumper now, John." Teyla sounded so calm, but he could hear her breath quickening, as they started to run. Good.

"Seven minutes,” John said and Ronon was loping ahead, clearing the path and Ford was whooping with a strange form of delight as they ran headlong to the puddlejumper and straight into the hatch which John had opened remotely.

"Go, go, go!" John shouted, the overloading ZPM picked up on the sensors. "Strap in, I'm going straight up vertical!"

He barely waited for the hatch to close before they were rocketing up out of the atmosphere, less than a minute before the facility blew.

"Anders was shot down by a Wraith," Sora declared while he bore out the aftershocks that followed them up into atmosphere. "But this was a good mission."

"Damn." John grimaced. Anders had been a good soldier and if there was one thing he disagreed with the Genii on was their fatalistic approach to people getting killed. "We got a ZPM. Rodney would've..." He stopped and cut himself off. "It'll be very useful and from the data going on here, I think we just took out the Wraith's secret weapon that took out the Ancestors. Not only that, I've finally found a long lost team mate."

"Aiden?" Teyla seemed to only then notice who it was sitting up near him, behind Ronon.

"Long time, no see, Teyla." He grinned, all bright smiles to go with his twisted face and his disconcerting blacked out eye. "I heard about the city."

"Where it could not be taken from you, it was given as a gift, then stolen," Teyla replied. "Colonel Sheppard was believed killed during that time. It was only afterwards that we were fortunate enough to discover this wasn’t the case."

"I've been staying with the Athosians," John said. "Teyla's the boss." He smiled a little hoping this would assuage any of Ford's paranoia. "You want to come with?"

Ford always had liked Teyla. "I... If I'm welcome, yeah."

"One more good fighter is always needed," Ronon shrugged.

"You join us, I'm gonna get you off that stuff...if only because there's not going to be enough of it around. Replicators are hitting the Wraith hard right now. Can't be easy finding it,” John said, hoping to soften what he was saying so Ford didn't get paranoid or manic. "I'll help you through it."

"You will be welcome, Aiden. We share a common goal."

"Destroying the Wraith." Ronon was still eyeing Ford a little and Ford looked at all of them before he nodded.

"Sure, I'll give it a try."

He must be desperate to even consider it. That probably meant he'd been low enough on the enzyme recently for it to be more than an inconvenience.

Even so, the thought of having Ford back, someone he'd never wanted to give up on was enough to make him smile as he headed towards the space gate.

And the way that the expression felt strange to him made him realize he hadn't smiled properly in a very long time.

* * *

Ronon had commented that he'd seen John come back from some of his worst fucked-up missions looking better than he did right now. Ford's detoxing was even a rougher process than he had imagined and he'd heard Carson describe what had happened with the others and with Rodney. He'd confiscated the Wraith enzyme Ford had harvested and weaned him down bit by bit and now there was none left. Ford would sometimes be weak and over emotional and other times violent and dangerous. Every time he went back to his dwelling, he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to be facing and Ford had a heck of a punch when he got swinging. Even Ronon had commented and he rarely acknowledged that sort of thing.

He really hoped Ronon wouldn't have to come and 'rescue him' again tonight, but he was not going to let Ford die, or kill himself or anything else. He was going to get him to eat some of the hearty soup and bread and that was his goal for the evening.

Hopefully without getting snarled at. Ford had years of Enzyme addiction to get over, to get past, and John was just winging it, faking it, really. He wasn't a doctor or a therapist -- he just wanted his old friend back.

So it was with a miserable wariness that he pulled back the flap on his tent.

"Hey, Ford," he said, letting his eyes become accustomed to the relative gloom. "How're you feeling?"

Ford was lying shivering, wrapped up in the furs and blankets from both of their beds. "Fuck off, Sheppard," he snarled a little weakly.

Yeah, that was a good sign. John slipped in and set the food on the table. "Ronon cooked. You want some?"

"You know what I want." Ford answered in a shaking voice. "But you won't give it to me. You're as much of a bastard as the others used to say. Like a fucking albatross, you and your black mark."

"Yeah, yeah. I like my guys living long healthy lives if I get to have any say about it. That's a horrible black mark." But it still stung. He wasn't going to let it sting -- Carson had told him about Rodney's rantings and ravings when he'd been coming down off of that overdose.

"Yeah, that's why you killed Sumner. And they made you Colonel for it. Short cut huh?" Ford's face twisted in a grimace. "Maybe I should try that... Colonel."

"You've been fed on. That's why I shot him. *I've* been fed on and at the time I wish someone had shot me." It was crazy to justify himself to a madman, but.

"You… you don't look fed on," Ford spat out but his bitter sureness seemed shaken. He was trembling and jittering all over, haggard and drawn.

"The Wraith gave me life back. I deal with him occasionally -- he's helping us kill the replicators and when they're gone... He's next." John carried the tray with the rough bread on it over to Ford. It tasted a little like challah to John.

Kinda nutty but good. Best fresh though.

"Huh... you... you had to suck his dick for that?" Ford answered but it seemed like some of the vitriol was going out of his insults. Hopefully he could catch him long enough to get some food in him before he became inconsolable

"No, but he got in my head for a while. It wasn't comfortable." John sat down, ripped apart the loaf. "Like I said, I've got food here."

Ford looked at him and that was as much tantamount to permission as he was going to get. "Probably throw the whole lot up anyway," he complained but he did reach with a shaking hand. "It's fucking freezing in here."

John was careful to give him the softer inner parts. "I can start the fire up."

"Yeah... that would be...cool."

And that was a step forward. Last time he'd suggested that Ford had gone mad about him trying to blind him. Progress. He could take off a couple of layers if he got too warm.

"Ronon and I patched up the chimney a few months back so we won't die of the smoke," John said as he moved to crouch down in front of the fireplace.

There was silence for a moment even as he lit the fire and packed it with the quick burning kindling.

"Why are you doing this?" Ford asked eventually. "I thought... you double crossed me. I...don't..." He looked confused and disorientated.

"I never double crossed you. You're a good guy, Ford."  
Ford was shaking his head but he was still eating. "No. sir, I'm not. You don't know what I've done, what I'd do... to... to get some more. I'd shoot you, Teyla, Ronon..."

He couldn't help snorting at that.

No one was likely to shoot Ronon unless he was unconscious and even then John wasn't particularly sure. There had been a few times when he'd sworn that Ronon reacted on reflex in his sleep.

"There isn't any more. There isn't going to be any more for much longer because we're going to win this war. We win the war, Ford, and your source is dead."

"I know that, I know." Ford's hands were shaking so much he was having trouble with him soup. "I feel like dying would be easier than living without the stuff."

Rodney had been through this, not as long, not as severe but he'd done that so he could get out and try and send help. He'd seen Teyla and Ronon reduced to barely functioning wrecks from even that short period on the drug.

"John..." Ford hardly ever used his first name, always sir, Sheppard or Colonel. "John, I don't think I can do this."

"Yeah, you can." John turned around, once he'd put a few slower burning logs in the fire, wedged between layers of kindling. "You're strong."

"I can't go home, even if you ever found a way. Can't see my Grandmother, can't ever walk down a street like this." Yeah, Ford had definitely swung down into the abject misery side of his mood swings. "Don't you just want to be back on Earth sometimes so much you can taste it?"

"Yeah, I do. I miss... I'm glad Teyla and Ronon welcomed me back. But I miss the rest of our friends. I want to try to get back. The Daedalus was supposed to eventually come back to New Athos. You could get surgery for your eye." It would probably need to be removed by the SGC, but hell.

"You want McKay." And it wasn't said as a jibe or something to wound. "You and he..."

It had been so long but still his thoughts were littered with Rodney would do this, or his own version of a pep talk. He tried really hard not to think out their last time together but the rest of it, yeah...he played each memory over and over.  
"Nah. But I miss him. I miss Lorne. I -- shit, you didn't even get to know Lorne. He was a great guy. Is. I miss Elizabeth. I miss Carson. They're all home. Safe." Or facing whatever was wrong with Earth.

Ford looked at him as if he knew he was lying. "I... missed you. You came after me... and… shit, sir."

And into the clingy stage. The transitions were smoothing out though, as if they were winding up.

“I still want to get you home safe, get you what help there might be," John promised, kneeling away from the fire, but close enough to keep warm.

"Sir..." He was reaching out for him, trying to grip hold of something. And it was strange but he always felt uncomfortable with that - with the comforting side of things because it was something he didn't have experience in.

He just wasn't any good at it.

But Ford seemed to expect him to be, so he shifted, moved closer. "I mean it."

It was enough to get the younger man dragging himself to rest against him, so he could feel the shaking. "I know," Ford answered and John was excruciatingly aware that he was sounding choked up, and desperate, even as the leaning turned into a definite cling, with a grip hard enough to bruise.  
And John just sat there, sort of riding it out, because what was he supposed to do?

A little awkwardly he patted at Fords back and hair and it was strange that there was something in his head that made him think of Ford as family as much as anything else.

All he had to do was to keep doing this until Ford beat the cycle of withdrawal and then hey, things would be good again.

* * *

The upshot of Ford's recovery was that he was now bounding around the encampment, playing with the kids, tormenting Ronon, who seemed to be some sort've substitute big brother for him and John was pretty much exhausted.

He wasn't sure how much he had helped, if making sure he ate did much or holding him still, getting him under control or just being there had done much, but he'd been doing that and running strategy as well, trying to work out how to deal with the fact the Replicators appeared to be headed their way, find a new place to live, or... something.

Right now, apparently Ford had something he wanted to show them and so he was walking through thick woodland wishing he was just sleeping or something back on New Athos.

There was work to do and that had to have been how Rodney had felt when John had dropped by with cool things to show him, except John wasn't going to snap at Ford.

He just hoped it was worth the walk and didn't amount to... Ford showing him a neat desiccated deer or something.

"C'mon, John!" Ford had way too much energy and had taken to calling him John now after he pointed out that really 'Colonel' was a complete waste of syllables out here. "You'll love it."

"Is it food?" Ronon asked. "Food would be good."

"You both think too much with your bellies," Teyla chastised. "I have told you that Halling will return with the new supplies in the next day or so."

"Is this modern art you’re taking us to see? Because I'm not really interested in sculptures that symbolize things it doesn't look like..." It was a vague joke, but it was the only think John could think of. Hopefully, it was a weapons cache. At best.

"You're gonna love it," Ford beamed and god he looked young. Since he'd shaken off the enzyme, there had been a few times in the puddlejumper when he'd had to shout "Don't make me come back there!" to Ronon and Ford. It made him realize how young the Satedan was even if things were getting serious with his Athosian girlfriend.

"Seriously, it's totally cool."

John caught himself smirking as he looked over at Teyla's delighted exasperation. "I'll hold you to that."

"I am not in the company of men," she declared. "I am surrounded by boys."

"Hey, there's a rise over there into the side of the hill," Ford gestured. "I tracked some Wraith who spent a really long time looking around this place. Let them find it then killed them."

Ronon nodded approvingly at that. "What is it?"

"Let’s just say, I was after a ZPM too, and hoping I could get it to work. John will... probably come in his pants or something," Ford replied, his eyes bright.

"Aiden!" Teyla sounded reproving but as if she was trying not to laugh.

So, it was a fantasy item. John had no idea what Ford might think he fantasized about and if it needed a ZPM... hell, maybe it was a fantastic rail gun. A ray beam.

"C'mon, it's the least I could do considering," Aiden said as they came upon what appeared to be a solid rock face. "Besides, right now I don't think there's anyone else who could get her to fly."

And with that cheeky statement Ford appeared to step into the wall.

"Is this another wall triggered by genetics, Ford?" John called out, reaching a hand out to see if he'd get through or if it would just break his wrist.

"Hologram." Ford poked his head out. "Doesn't like the Wraith much though. Come on in. Come and meet this beauty I found for you."

He stepped through and stopped almost immediately. Illuminated by soft blue light there was a fighter plane there, as breathtakingly sculpted as the puddlejumpers looked like the badly snipped end of a cigar.

And the moment he stepped close, she practically sang to him, energy seeping into her frame and reaching out with the feel of Ancient tech that he missed so much in Atlantis. That was a ship. That was a *hell* of a ship, and John reached just to touch the hull. Yeah, it definitely needed a ZPM to run but even dormant, it was *alive*.

"Far as I could work out and my Ancient is a little rusty," Ford said in the silence as they stared. "She's a prototype. They didn't have time to finish growing some of the special crystals to get her to work. But ten thousand years later, hey... crystal growing all done. Only no pilot."

"Except for John," Teyla said nodding almost to herself

"Except for John," Ford agreed. "You see..."

Whatever Ford was saying was half blotted out by a definite feeling of greeting and pleasure and that familiar feeling of a presence just *there* in his head. Like Todd but softer, comforting, intimate but gentle. The ship was trying to communicate with him.

It was running off of god knew what and John knew god was probably confused by it, but it was there, present and tucking into his mind like a dog happy to be adopted from the shelter.

"John? John?" Teyla was touching his arm and he hadn't noticed.

"Communing, like I said," Ford supplied. "C'mon, I brought the ZPM. Let’s see what she can do, huh? What I could read puts her as able to go up against the hives when powered up and crystals in place. What'd'ya think, John?"

"She's something else. I want to get the hang of her before we go up against hives, but..." But that power was *there* and John could feel it and it was fucking breathtaking. He mentally sought out how to open her up.

The response was an impression of _herehereletmeopenopennow_ and an eagerness like the frantic tail wagging of a dog even as the canopy reformed itself to reveal a remarkably tight looking interior. John had a sneaking suspicion that the pilot wore this fighter like a snug pressure suit. There were no visible dials or readout but the space inside lit up and the ZPM slot was clearly visible.

"No room for passengers then," Ronon said, peering in.

"Here, I know you know how to connect these," Ford said, pulling the ZPM out of his pack.

"I believed that was under lock and key Aiden," Teyla reproved. "I see I was wrong."

"Well technically it's being guarded." Ford answered, passing it over. “By us.”

"We're decent guards for it," John said, glancing to Teyla. "Do you want to use the ZPM in this?"

"The Tower at Othaerea is still powered and we have yet to find a cruiser as we hoped. This seems like a useful application," Teyla replied and nodded, obviously appreciating the fact that John deferred to her authority.

It was just polite -- when she'd stayed with them, she'd deferred. It was only right that he defer to her, even when he knew the answer was going to be yes. "All right, then. I think I'll see if I can get this baby off the ground."

Ford whooped a little, which was probably a bit premature and he took the ZPM and leaned over in what passed for a cockpit and pressed the ZPM into the slot. It clicked and then started to draw inwards, clunking into place and then the fighter purred into life, activating , the antigravity kicking in to make it float. He was half stranded over the edge of it as it floated up and the openness was punctuated by impressions of invitation to dive on in.

He sort of had to or else he was going to need a grappling hook to get her back down to the ground so he could get in. He imagined that they probably had had a facility, with stairs that it docked to.

And then it clicked. That had to be the Ancient answer to the Wraith Dart.

He'd always been sure that the Ancients had something in between puddlejumpers and cruisers. But then they did have superior technology and vastly inferior numbers. This would be powerful, he was sure of it. Not designed to cull, but to fight and...they needed it. If the Replicators were coming their way, the chances were they would not stop if they jumped ship to another planet.

He looked down at the blue lit interior and then slipped in.

Immediately he heard Teyla's startled exclamation and there was a moment of terrible claustrophobia and darkness as it completely enveloped him and then full sensory input. He could feel and see everything around and behind him. He could hear Teyla, he could *feel* Ronon beating on his...no, the ship’s side and more to the point, he could feel weapons checking in that he had never even heard of.

It felt beautiful and so what if it had swallowed him whole, because he was attuned to the ship. The ship was his. The ship was amazing, with beam weapons and disruptors and a mental control system that he could feel creeping into his mind.

John hoped it wouldn't kill him.

It was a little uncomfortable to start with as the fighter and he learned each other...Okay, it was a little like having a toothache probed even as it adjusted. It distracted him some until he adjusted and could make out Teyla calling his name in increasing fear.

A flicker of thought to the ship and he knew he could speak to their radios just like that. Just open up the channel and talk.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm in here, just getting used to this thing. It's pretty responsive." He hoped he wasn't oozing blood or anything else strange.

"You sure that you're okay?" Ford asked. "It did kinda engulf you, John."

"We have been concerned," Teyla said. "Ronon was about to try and shoot his way in."

"Want me to still try that?" Ronon offered.

"No, I'm good." He could tell if his eyes were open only by the physical sensation and even that was getting a little blurry. "I wish we could look this up in the database."

Information started to flood into his mind, but it was rather specifically tactical and military orientated information rather than the all encompassing encyclopedia on Atlantis.

In a burst, he learned the strengths, weakness, and weapon capabilities of his craft. He decided almost immediately he was apparently in a real life Last Starfighter. He had a cloak, a shield, and weapons that could, with skilful flying, take out cruisers and Hives. He could have his body in stasis for long haul flights while his mind controlled the interface. The shape of the ship could alter and reform depending on need which made him think of what Rodney would've said about him being in a real life Transformer or escape from Anime type mech. And the speed...

The speed for shorthaul trips was fantastic and John could feel the threat in it because he didn't want to burn out in the cave and harm his friends.

This was a chance though, an actual chance, this sweetheart of a fighter was thrilled to see him, wanting him and to follow him home. He was sitting on the power of a ZPM that could be unleashed as a weapon and that had to be the coolest thing ever. There was a chance that they might win the war and even if he couldn't use it to bridge the galaxies... At least they still had a chance against the Replicators.

* * *

Teyla had found herself observing John over the last few weeks with a faint frown. For a start, it felt like she had barely seen him, let alone talked to him aside from those occasions where he took an injury too severe to mean that he could fly his Sweetheart, as he seemed to have settled on calling the fighter ship of the Ancestors.

And then he was usually sleeping or unconscious and it was concerning her. No one else seemed to notice that he was slipping away from them, that he spent most of his waking hours protecting the vast amount of planets that were flocking to their protection. And political concerns meant she did not have the time she would've liked to intervene.

But she needed to intervene. She needed to hunt him down and make sure that he had some small amount of human contact on any given day. But finding him when he wasn't near Sweetheart was hard.

It was partly because Ronon was now promised to Callina, who was already showing the blessing of being with child and Ford had his own interests in the settlement. She had her position and there was Kanaan as well which was scarcely a secret and somehow John had...no one. Somehow, despite all the awe and gratitude that people felt for him -- some of which bordered on worship that he was completely oblivious to -- he was more alone than ever. His only companion was the fighter. This could not go on. They were in danger of losing the John Sheppard she knew.

"Ronon? Ronon, may I speak with you?"

"Mm." It was acknowledgement and agreement all at once and Ronon looked up from the leatherwork he was stitching.

She sat gracefully. "I am growing most concerned about John. I do not believe that he has spoken to anyone for some time. He has had the burden of defending against our enemies without rest for a long time. When did you last talk with him?"

Ronon paused and looked at her for a moment before he shrugged his shoulders. "It's been a couple of days. He was just out on another run with the ship."

"And did you talk of anything of substance?" Teyla said. It was as she suspected. John was going long stretches of time without contact with human beings.

"Not really." Ronon glanced around, as if he was looking for John. "Usually McKay used to keep an eye on him."

"It is the same whoever I ask. Even Aiden has not spoken to him often. The last time he was on the ground for any length of time was when they took a bad hit and it took him longer to recover than the ship," Teyla said. "And even then we have been too busy to pay much attention. I am concerned, Ronon. If we treated an enemy this way, we would regard ourselves as cruel."

"If he was an enemy, I would have just shot him." Ronon twisted to look at her a little better. "He's not... adapting."

"It is strange, in Atlantis, I believed he was the most at home of all of them," Teyla mused. "But it is now that I realize John makes his home of the people he loves and cares for and most of them...the most important of them returned to their own world and left him behind. I know how much pain he suffered when he believed we had abandoned him within the Sanctuary. Ronon, I believe that he has become most self destructive."

"We need to stop him." As if it was as simple as that, as perfectly cut and dried as just stopping John from hurting himself and Teyla wished it was.

"How?" Teyla asked. This was the puzzle. "It is a simple truth that only he can fly the Sweetheart fighter, and only that is sufficient to attempt to protect a world from Wraith or Replicators. The part of me that is leader recognizes this. The part of me that is John's friend, hates me for this reasoning."

"We could make him take time off." Except people would die in the meantime and Teyla knew that John would think of that.

"Perhaps when he is back we should request him to come to the evening fire talks. He need not participate, but I feel he needs to have contact with us." Teyla looked at Ronon. "I do not believe that he has had any other lover aside from you, Ronon. That is a long time."

"He hadn’t had one when we were in Atlantis," Ronon countered, but he was still glancing around, like he was looking for John. "I... We'll get him to come to the fire talks."

"Then we will start now," Teyla decided. There had been times when she had criticized those who lead Atlantis, thinking them impersonal to their people, but now she was experiencing the sheer demands of how many people there were, she started to understand a little more. They simply did not have that amount of people in the Pegasus galaxy.

"I believe he is at his dwelling." And the fighter would be there as well. It was common for John to come back, park the Sweetheart and then disappear into his house alone. And stay there.

"We'll get him then. He needs to relax." Ronon said simply and got to his feet and Teyla nodded. Perhaps she would have to explain to Kanaan that right now John needed help and that was just the way it was.

* * *

The problem of fighting for days without end, even with the support of Sweetheart, who very kindly fed energy into him to keep him going and catheterized him so he wasn't aware of anything except the battle, and the adrenalin and the _push push push_ to save everyone he could, was that the come down was just as much a crash as Ford coming off of his Wraith enzyme high. Sweetheart worried about it, in the way that Ancient technology could worry, by sending him prompting hints that he was exceeding limits. But he wasn't going to worry about the end of the battle until he survived it.

And then this. The false support of the energy was gone the moment he stepped out of Sweetheart's interior and everything came crashing in on him hard. He was self aware enough to know that the crushing black mood was depression orientated, the shakes were his over strained physical condition, and his complete lack of strength to goddam move to do anything significant was completely normal after the level of attention and focus he was giving.

This was like Afghanistan, the Middle East when things got hot. Sleep was something that happened to him, not something he chose to do. Sometimes he would lie there exhausted to the bone and unable to stop the images, bright and clear, racing across his vision. Yeah, he was well on his way to a major meltdown that would make post traumatic stress look like nothing.

He was all fired up with no-where to go and nothing to do because he couldn’t rest. There was no rest to be had, no relief, because they had a mission, a mission that people's lives hinged on. When he wasn't flying and when he was, the Athosians and their allies were staging attacks on ground bases.

The only time he felt free of it, was when he was flying the Sweetheart, being with her. The longer he spent with the ship, the more he understood and the fact that she seemed to be developing a familiar personality drawn from his mind only made it worse.

Because it wasn't Elizabeth, or Cadman, or Chaya or Teyla, it was... Okay, he could admit it, Sweetheart, a living evolving matrix AI designed to adapt to the pilots fondest recollections and needs, was modeling its personality shifts on Rodney McKay.

Which was possibly why he was pushing himself so hard, spending so much time with Sweetheart, because even when the AI got it wrong, it was still close enough to make his heart ache, to make his head yearn. Because that was the feeling of being challenged and the clash that he'd missed so much.

So even lying here, bundled in the best of furs, with the various Ancient gadgets and widgets that had proven to give out heat and light and soothing music so he'd kept them, he wanted to be back with her/him as soon as possible. He wanted to fight so he could immerse himself in the nearly Rodney sense of the machine, and at the same time, he dreaded it because of this feeling afterwards. This weakness, loneliness and the knowledge that came crashing in that this was as close as he was ever going to get.

"John? Are you sleeping?" Teyla's voice spoke outside his door.

"He's not going to answer yes to that." Ronon's voice rumbled. "Just open the door."

"Ronon, that would be rude and... Ronon!"

The door was swinging open before he could at least pretend to not be flaked out.

"I'm okay with rude." Ronon's familiar voice was a grumble in the strange sensory inputs he'd surrounded himself in, in a miserable attempt to soothe himself.

"Hey," he raised a lethargic hand. "Hey guys, how's it going?" Wow, that really was amazing how much effort that took. He ached like he had the flu and even the hot springs hadn't soothed that out of him.

"We are concerned that you are over exerting yourself." Teyla's voice was soothingly gentle and he could see them both coming further into his tent.

"I'm fine," he said automatically, trying to push himself up and failing. "I'm bit tired. That was a difficult one." And the one before that, and the one before that.... he was starting to secretly want to have a reason not to do anything. It had been so long.

"You should rest," Teyla said it firmly. "We are worried that you are spending so much time in Sweetheart."

John shrugged a little even as Ronon came and sat down practically on his legs. "Do I have a choice?" he asked, raising his eyebrows a little. "Oh, hey, sorry we can't stop the Replicators or Wraith today, John's having a nap."

"Won't be saving anyone if you get killed from being tired," Ronon said. "You don't talk to anyone."

"You don't come outside anymore," Teyla added quietly. "I believe this is partially our fault."

John frowned a little at them. "Like I would be a riveting conversationalist. Look..." he struggled to explain. "It makes me tired okay. I come back, I sleep, I eat some, I sleep some more... no one is missing anything."

"Yeah we are. We're missing you," Ronon said. "Don't have to kill yourself, Sheppard."

Not yet.

He just managed to not say that out loud.

"If you would come outside and just... join a hunt, talk with the children, anything, perhaps life would seem less..." Teyla seemed to be at a loss for words.

John stared at her. They really had no idea. He hadn't realized he'd been this good at hiding.

"Teyla," he looked at them both, really genuinely appreciating the concern but wondering how they managed to miss this. "I, I can barely move, let alone do any of that. It's all I can do to get to Sweetheart. Once I'm in I'm okay but..." He shook his head. "You haven't realized?"

From the look he received, they hadn't and he heard Ronon make a near growl of a noise as he turned to face him.

"John..." Teyla look almost like the information was bringing tears to her eyes, and he really didn't get why.

"Sheppard you are a fucking idiot," Ronon said decisively. "Why were you hiding this?"

John shook his head. "I haven't been hiding this. It's, well it's just pretty boring, no one really needs to watch me sleep. I get back I get back, I make it to the hot springs and soak and all I want to do then is sleep. Face planting in a formal dinner is not my ambition. I sleep, I eat, I sleep and then it's the next mission give or take. I can usually manage to get around by then."

It was all very reasonable as far as he was concerned. This is what people did in war. Eat, Sleep, Fight and if they had energy left, Fuck as well.

"We have failed you John," Teyla said and her tone was deeply unhappy and he didn't understand why.

"What? Hey, look Teyla, c'mon, I'm not complaining," John started.

"No, but you should be. We have exploited you John, terribly. We have not cared for your wellbeing at the same level of concern for our own. That would be unacceptable to a stranger and you are one of my dearest friends - and I have allowed this. Encouraged it!" Teyla most definitely not happy. "This will stop now."

What? John shook his head. "Look, you can't stop the missions, people die, *planets* die. I know I keep saying that soon Todd will have a weapon, and he will, but I mean it. Anything is bearable if it is not forever."

"I understand that. But you will not go on missions that do not require the specific presence of the Sweetheart," Teyla said. "We have leaned too heavily upon it and there are warriors of many worlds who can deal with the threat of darts and a culling raid. You will stop living in this shelter alone, and you will dwell in your own room in the habitation of my 'family' where we can care for you properly."

"Teyla, this really isn't..."

"Be quiet John," Teyla said in a voice that immediately made him stop talking. "I know that you feel you do not belong here now, and that you feel responsible but... there are those of us who care deeply for you, love you here, not just for what you do."

Ronon nodded and said, "What she said."

"It has been years now John, and in these few years, we have created something incredible that has not existed for ten thousand years. We've created hope. Because you have no direct affiliation, no agenda to put into play except the destruction of our enemies, those who would fear alliance now commit under your banner and are well paid for their trust. You could take my leadership at any time."

John shook his head a little shell-shocked. "I wouldn't, I mean, I couldn't, they are your people."

She looked at him and then Ronon. "Ronon has become one of my people for all that his past roots were elsewhere."

"It's not so bad. Gotta face it Sheppard, three years and they haven't come back," Ronon said cutting to the heart of the matter.

"I know! I know..." John exhaled. "Okay, whatever you think is best Teyla." This was just surreal and he really didn't have strength to fight it. He couldn't go home, to Rodney, to Earth, he couldn't seem to find a place here that was healthy and functional. There was only Teyla and Ronon and Ford and he'd protect them with what he had until he couldn't anymore. That was all he could do.

She looked relieved. "Ronon, help John. We are taking him to my longhouse."

Ronon looked at him. "You wanna try walking? Or I could throw you over my shoulder. "

"I'd like to see you try," John answered and grinned at Ronon's speculative look. "Walk."

Ronon nodded and if he was being practically dragged on his way to Teyla's house, then no one really noticed much or at least wouldn't say anything.

* * *

Ford half jogged back into what they were now calling Athosia, because the settlement was developing into quite the town on the side. With the protection of Sheppard and the Sweetheart -- a nickname he was morally obliged to rib John about -- people seemed to suddenly realize this was a good place to trade and settle. It had grown slowly to start with, then exponentially as word got around. The end result was a meeting place of buyers, sellers, growers and fighters and it was as close to normal as a place in Pegasus got.

He waved his team off because he needed to find the others pretty quickly. From memory, John had successfully defeated another Replicator cruiser a couple of days ago, so would be on Teyla's compulsory downtime. He had to admit, it was doing some good. John had less of that haunted expression, even if he still got exhausted. Ford counted himself lucky he could fly the puddlejumper at least, which helped a hell of a lot and he was glad he still had above average speed and strength.

He let himself into Teyla's longhouse, now built out of permanent stone in a symbolic gesture of defiance, and looked around. It was light and warm inside, lit with fires and hung with rich weaves. The council table there at one end and he could see a bunch of kids rather unusually sitting near one  
of the comfortable stuffed platforms that served as a couch.

"It was a boring story any way," one of the children declared. "There wasn't any Wraith in it, or Sheppard, or Dex, or Teyla. "

"Shut up, Haskil! I liked the bits with the swords of light. I want a sword of light!" one of the girls said. "And the princess. I could be a princess, though I would rescue myself as well."

"If you had paid attention maybe he wouldn't've fallen asleep," Onyli added. "Now I won't know if he blew up the enemy Hive-star or not."

"Course he did, he was flying a ship like the Sweetheart. They always blow things up," Haskil said. “Anyways, it was Ilayra who sent him to sleep with all her questions. 'How could he still be there if Darth Todd had killed Obi-Ben-Caldwell,’ " he mimicked.

Ford nearly choked at that. Sounded like Sheppard had been doing some plagiarizing of the classics. He was surprisingly good entertaining them, and quite often, even if he was asleep, he could be found with a cluster of kids half sleeping on him. He was pretty sure they didn't connect the "Sheppard" in their heads with the guy who told them corny rip off stories.

"Hey, kids, how're you doing?" Ford said as he came closer. They looked around and Onyli giggled and ran over to give him a hug. He was pretty close to her mom and spent a lot of time with her.

"We had a story but we don’t know the end. He fell asleep!" Onyli said by way of a welcome back.

"He does that yeah," Ford said.

"And there was no Sheppard, Teyla, you or Ronon, " Haskil complained. "Or the Sweetheart."

"Why does Sheppard call it the Sweetheart?" Ilayra asked randomly.

"Because he's in love with it. Duh," Haskil answered and Ford winced. He was going to get it in the neck for introducing bad Earth speech patterns into this galaxy.

"You give us a story?” Onyli pleaded and Ford smiled.

"Okay a quick one. What do you want?" He had to pretend to cover his ears from the clamor. "Alright! I get it! I'm going to tell you about... when we first came to the city of the Ancestors. About some people you don't know but who were the best friends we could have."

It was enough to get them settling down again listening attentively, and he tried to think of a story that was quick and easy to tell. "Not long after we reached Atlantis, back when things were all pretty weird, we went on a mission. What you have to know about this is that there was someone on Sheppard’s team who isn't here now, and his name was Rodney McKay."

He could hear the kids trying the name out though undoubtedly they'd heard it before.

"Who was Rodneymckay?" Onyli asked.

"Rodney? Rodney was the smartest guy in two galaxies," Ford answered.

"Smarter than you?" Haskil asked.

"Way smarter, though I'm much better with fighting," Ford answered. "And I've got more hair too."

"Smarter than Sheppard?" Ilayra asked in an incredulous tone and Ford hesitated.

"Yes, though Sheppard is a lot smarter than everyone believed back then,” Ford said. "McKay could come up with a solution to *anything*. Fix technology, make it work. Smartest man alive and, well, he knew it. But because he really was that good, he was allowed to know it."

"Did he save Sheppard’s life? Your lives?" Haskil asked intrigued.

"So many times we lost count," Ford said truthfully. "Of course, we were always saving his too, but, yeah. He saved a lot of people. "

"Did he save Ronon?" Onyli asked.

Ford grinned. "Ronon caught him in a trap and he was hanging upside down for a while. No, that was probably Sheppard and Dr Beckett."

"Dr Beckett? Who's he?"

"He's the guy with a heart the size of the galaxy. He is a doctor, a healer. He saved people's lives all the time and no one thought anything of it because that's what good healers do." Ford answered. “Anyway, back to the story…"

In the end it turned out not to be a particularly short story and he ended up explaining about Elizabeth, and Zelenka, even Kavanaugh who was declared the villain in the story about Sheppard and the Iratus bug, which was suitably bloodthirsty and exciting for them all. Then he ended up telling stories about McKay and Beckett as they knew a lot of the ones about them and he was just saying, “And that's why Sheppard doesn't like bugs that much," when he became aware that John was watching him, a dark hazel eye focused on him. He had no idea how long he'd been listening but it had to be for some time.

"Nice story," he said and Ford grinned a little sheepishly.

"Hey, John."

"Hey, Ford. Okay, kids, I think its way past time for you to all be in your beds." John shifted, started to sit up groggily himself.

"Aww, you never finished the story!" Haskil complained, half climbing over John. "Stupid Ilayra, making you fall asleep."

"Did not!" the other girl protested.

John had an easy grin as he hugged one arm around Haskil. "Well, kiddo. It wasn't Ilayra who made me sleepy. It was a long day of hard work and that's why you kids should go home now."

"Will you finish it tomorrow?" Haskil asked hopefully even as they slid off the couch bed. "You won't be working then will you?"

Ford looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Chances were they might be once he told them what he had found out.

"Maybe. Teyla might have stuff for me to do," John replied. "And no one slacks off when Teyla tells 'em what to do."

Ford grinned as John hugged the girls goodnight and then poked at Haskil teasingly before they finally went off home.

He was good with kids. Moving into the longhouse had definitely been a good thing for John, something that should've been done sooner. Sometimes when a person wanted privacy it wasn't what they needed. "I want to see you make Thundercats into a night-time story for them."

"That one's coming right after Batman, Pegasus style," John answered with a half smile. "Although I liked your versions of the Pegasus Boy's own adventures."

"Hey, just telling it how it happened," Ford said with a shrug.

"You should've told Rodney you thought he was a hero," John replied, smoothing his wild hair a little.

He probably should have. He should've said that to a lot of people. "You know I think that's your job," he answered.

John gave a slight nod. "So you were looking for me?" he asked eventually.

Ford belatedly remembered what he had discovered on their latest mission and grinned.

"Yeah, Yeah, John. Todd’s finally sent the message. They've got something and it's time to rock and roll."

And the look on John's face that they might be entering the end game of a ten thousand year old war was worth the wait.

* * *

He and Sheppard had their arrangement and it struck him each time how it was possible that a human could display everything that a Wraith might admire about another Wraith. Honor, strength, intelligences, endurance, everything wrapped in a weak human form.

If Sheppard had been Wraith…well, things would've been very different. It had been close enough to ruin him for most other contact when he had pretended to have him as lhamorata. There was no doubt that had swayed the control of the cruisers to him, the return of his old status of the hives. But they had been without a queen and the fight against the Asurans had become desperate. They were attacking on both fronts; attacking the human worlds, and confronting them when encountering them in space. Todd knew that the Hives fought bravely and many of the enemy was destroyed, but their losses were dangerously high and they could not regenerate more of themselves in hours or days. They had to shut down the Replicators at their heart, destroy them completely and since Sheppard had brought him the dormant Asuran, he had been working hard on the premise. Over time, more and more specialists from other Hives joined in on their research as desperation had taken over.

The Wraith would be near extinction level in this galaxy if they tied themselves to this mode of existence. They had needed a different existence.

The Replicator attack on their food source showed their critical vulnerability of relying on one species as a food source. Plague could destroy them as easily as the Replicators or humans could. He had taken steps to deal with that and then from the memories he had shared from Sheppard’s mind had taken the realization that a Wraith that fed on the life of other Wraith became stronger and more powerful. As they reproduced in such a manner it was small matter to make adjustments so the Ship grew a vast mass of living Wraith flesh which could be drained without ever dying.

For the first time in his hive-memory, Wraith had communicated that they were satiated. Yes, there were those that preferred the 'taste' of human, but already he had seen a change there as well. More were choosing a human, or humans and keeping them as lhamorata, draining them and then refilling them with the life taken from the ship.

His hive at least was self-sufficient and their own queen growing towards maturity now. Todd had been pushed to action by the news that the Hives were finally massing in an attempt to quash their enemy once and for all. What they couldn't seem to understand was that it was obviously a trap. The  
Replicators were pushing them to this point and would no doubt have a plan to thwart them

And he intended to have one in response, one that none suspected if any Wraith were to survive at all.

"Hey, Todd," Sheppard appeared almost literally from nowhere with other humans in tow, obviously from beneath an Alteran cloak. "Nice place you have here."

"It is an adequate facility," he replied automatically. "Sheppard."

Reestablishing the mental link was easy. Sheppard’s mind opened for him at the push and it was there he realized the lies behind Sheppard’s appearance. Not deceit towards him but towards himself, to his allies. John Sheppard was sure he was dying because he was using technology that over strained  
him and the truth was, he was most likely right. It was disturbing to realize that the victories against the Replicators on the part of the human had all found their source at this point.

~You are not well, John Sheppard~ he bespoke him.

~This is as good as it gets, Todd~ Sheppard answered. ~And thanks, I get enough of those comments as it is.~

Maybe he could use that, because the one thing he was lacking was a delivery system for the code. If Sheppard believed himself dying anyway, he would not flinch or hesitate if a sacrifice was needed. The irony was, to do what he planned, he would have to fix him.

"I have a Killer-Code," Todd said aloud for the benefit of the other humans. "It permanently disrupts the Replicator cohesion and drains it of any semblance of activity."

"Okay, I'm sensing a ‘but’ here..."John answered, half sitting and leaning on a table.

"There's always a 'but' when it comes to Wraith," the Runner human grumbled.

"But we have no delivery system," he admitted. "Or we have no means of delivering it ourselves as Wraith. We can program the code to act genetically and have tried with Wraith but the protocol for the Replicators is to destroy Wraith not probe them. They do not get a chance to upload the code  
into the core. However..."

"I can see where this is going… you need humans for it." John commented. "Well, you've got a city or two of Wraith worshippers to draw on..."

"None who have the ATA gene," Todd said and could feel the 'ah' near sigh in his mind. "With those who do, the genetically programmed coding will interact with the Lantean derived basis of the Replicator code using Ancient technology as a base. You would be able to hack the code as long as you get close enough."

"How close is close?" John asked frowning.

Todd didn't grimace. "Touching," he admitted.

"No way," Ronon said immediately. "No way, Sheppard. We're not losing you. You're the only one who can fly the Sweetheart."

He could feel Sheppard thinking. He hadn't told even his closest friends of his suspicions then. That would work as he would feel the need to go out and make it worthwhile.

"So, let’s just get this straight, you do the alterations, I fly in there, touch, or get probed by the Replicators and they all die?" John asked.

"Probably self destructing in the process," the dark skinned human added.

"Effectively, yes. It is possible that given time I could find another means," Todd answered. "But we do not have the time. In seven days, the Wraith are massing at the Asuran home world for a final show down. This will be the last chance to destroy them.”

"Any reason we shouldn't just sit back and watch you two duke it out?" John asked calmly.

"The Replicators will be at their weakest, but if they win before you can come up with a weapon, they will have recouped their losses and razed the galaxy to nothing but ghosts." Todd looked at him.

"Okay then… do it. Whatever you have to do." Sheppard said.

"John..." the woman that made him prickle as if a Queen was brushing his thoughts looked at him.

"Teyla, he's right. This is an acceptable risk," John answered. "I've got the ATA, so I'll take it."

"Me too," the younger man added. "What? I've had the ATA treatment and like you said, John, acceptable risk. Stupid to go in there with only one working gun."

"Very well, two of you. Come with me and I will prepare you." Todd said with a smile, ignoring the waves of suspicion from the others. When they were both unconscious, he would push some life into Sheppard’s system, build him back up so he was strong enough to do this. There was an irony in saving his life in the knowledge that he would have to sacrifice it. But on the other hand, from what he sensed, that might be a mercy.

* * *

Councils of War generally made his head ache, but this was an emergency meeting and the entirety of the Longhouse was packed with leaders of their Allies. John absently rubbed his chest again which was still sore from the process of having a literal computer virus implanted into his body. He  
should've known the Wraith would go organic with their solutions. It was probably the adrenalin but he felt more alert than he had in months as he listened to them wrangle over the possibilities.

"It is an unparalleled opportunity," Kolya drawled. "Two enemies, fighting unaware. Most military history has a record of a third party taking advantage of two diminished foes. If we could muster a fleet..."

"You mean our fleet," Larrin said sourly. "It is well and good to take risks with things that aren't yours, Genii."

"There are other spacefaring Allies aside from you. We have managed to adapt many of the downed Wraith darts from various battles. There are fighters," Kolya insisted.

It was true, it did make sense, he couldn't deny that but...

"But we waltz in there and we come out of hyperspace into a firefight and before we even get a shot off, we're wiped out and we don't have to wait for Wraith or Replicator to take their time to get to us!" Larrin said, getting more strident.

"What of the weapon from the Wraith?" asked one of the Manarans. "Does it have possibilities?"

"We are not sure that it will work or how it will work," Teyla responded. "Colonel Sheppard has received the treatment as had Aiden Ford."

"It'll work," John found himself saying and was amazed by the hush that descended on the room at those few words. "The Wraith have more to lose than we do at this point."

And there it was, something accepted as fact simply because he said it. That never failed to freak him out. "Look," he said, "we've been going over this and I've… got a plan." Like most of his plans it was hazy on the detail and risky but that was life in the Pegasus Galaxy. Besides, he couldn't afford to waste time playing safe.

"Let's hear it, Sheppard," Kolya said curtly to the apparent disapproval of the others. As his own ridiculous legend had grown, those who had caused problems for him in the past had become subject to deep suspicion. It was a petty revenge but it amused him.

"Two factors here, we can raise ships to get there but the point is taken we are exposed. Ideally, everyone would need the sort of cloaking that the Sweetheart has or the puddlejumpers. That would make our involvement in the battle acceptable," he said, "Secondly, we need to know if the code is viable. Well, there's a way to solve both these problems with one mission. A small team with Ford in the puddlejumper and myself in the Sweetheart will penetrate Atlantis. If the code works, it will be as simple and easy as getting through the shields or allowing ourselves to be captured and probed. If the code works then we will have Atlantis... a fully functioning Atlantis that has yes, a city wide cloak and shield. We can use the city as a means of disguising cruisers or fighters within the cloaked sphere above and below the city. Then we hop on over to the Asuran home world, join the party and if the code works, then we'll attempt a similar infiltration there."

There was silence at his words and Teyla was looking at him. "But if the code does not work..."

"Then the Wraith are doomed and you'd be better off getting the hell out of this galaxy," he said drawing their attention to the big picture. "They're throwing everything into this. We weakened both sides enough that there is a chance of finishing them both off after all. We'll never get a chance like  
this again. If the Wraith win, they'll disperse and build up their numbers. If the Replicators win, then they've demonstrated a will to kill all human life and they will recover a lot faster. Ready or not we have to act now."

"I'll back the plan," Kolya said immediately. "Sheppard's right."

"We will follow the one who saved our world," the Gethes leader proclaimed and that shifted it onto a level he didn't want. They were all then committing to the plan because of a debt, not because it was the right thing to do. Before he might've explained. Now he just didn't have the strength.

"Very well, it is agreed, we will follow Colonel Sheppard's plan. Return to your worlds and ready whatever forces you can muster to be at the rendezvous point. If we do not appear, you will know that the code does not work and you will have to make a decision whether to risk attack," Teyla instructed.  
"Thank you all for attending. Hospitality is available for those who require it but we must prepare for the mission."

The meeting broke up and John sat a moment contemplating the fact that effectively he had signed his own death warrant. It sounded easy but he knew it wouldn't be. But he was doing this to repay a debt tenfold. To protect his 'family' here. Teyla, Ford, Ronon...the kids. Jesus, Ronon had a little girl now called Melina. Teyla hadn't said anything but things were serious with Kanaan and Ford was more or less settling down with Onyli's mother. He'd really just been too tired for that, though he missed it. And it was just as well considering the way his health was still deteriorating because despite the enforced rest he had been battling for years now and he recognized battle exhaustion.

Just a little longer.

"John…" Teyla was watching him. "Are you sure that this is a risk you wish to take?"

"Yeah," he said immediately. "Last shot, Teyla."

"I am still concerned for you, John. The friend in me grieves that the leader in me must allow you to be used so," she said softly. "I wish that you could find happiness here."

"I am happy, Teyla. Happy for you guys," John said automatically.

"But not for yourself," Teyla said and leaned towards him in an Athosian gesture that he now responded to instinctively.

"Didn't know what I needed until it was gone, Teyla," he murmured. It was true. His mind filled with regrets as he realized he was literally working himself to death and that he would never see Rodney again.

"He loved you, John. I know you blame yourself for what happened at your last meeting, but I know Rodney believed it to be his fault," Teyla answered and John looked at her sharply. They never talked about that time, he couldn't face it. "He was distraught at your loss. We all were."

"Don't do this ..." he asked. "Please."

"Don't try and get yourself killed, John, and then perhaps I will leave you alone," she replied and embraced him. "You are my family, John Emmagen Sheppard. Whatever happens, you will have a home here in my heart."

She didn't wait for an answer, which was just as well, because right then he wasn't sure if he could speak.

It came to something when going into battle seemed like the reprieve.

* * *

In his head, it was the simplest plan in the world. In reality, things were proving much more difficult.  
John mentally swore as the defenses of Atlantis caught him with a punishing broadside that caused him physical damage. Immediately Sweetheart started telling him exactly how dire it was while berating him and sending impressions of people not being able to tell their ass from their elbow and fixing the damage to the ship. His own would have to wait but with Sweethearts help, he had that time and the mental tirade was somehow familiar and comforting.

The idea had been for him to crack the perimeter defense and for the puddlejumper to slip in under cloak and for Ford to get in there. However his assessment had been based on what he thought had been Atlantis' weapon capability from their knowledge there. Several years of occupation with full  
power and Atlantis had a lot more hardware than he'd anticipated. He really did feel like a David and Goliath situation and... huh.

A slingshot small crack on a key spot had worked for David and it might work for him.

"Change of plan," he called out over the secure frequency to Ford. "I'm going in hot and fast..."

"John? What the hell, look, no you can't do that..."

"There's a fluctuating shield area over the central tower. I hit one of the booster emitters. The shield fades out after a hit and I could get through,” John said.

"Shit, John! But..."

"Gonna play like a wounded bird. I took a pretty bad hit just then they might assume I've passed out. Sheppard out."

"John, you can't..."

He cut the transmission and then at a mild jarring impact sent the Sweetheart into a fake spin and nose dive allowing the drones to impact and weakening the shield so he didn't explode on impact. At the very last moment he put all energy into his shields as he literally punched through the outer wall of the central tower, crashing into the heart of Atlantis. He blacked out at the point of impact and dizzily came around at the feel of someone scrabbling at the skin of the Sweetheart. Then there was disorientating light as he was dragged out forcefully and the pain in his leg made him cry out. Oberon was there, raising his hand and John braced himself as the replicator pushed his hand into his head...

 _Hold on, don't let them see, hold on...just needs a little time, little more time, then... then..._

He could hear screaming then, not just his own, but when he opened his eyes, there was Oberon screaming as he watched his hand melting away, unraveling with exponential speed. All around him, replicator figures were degenerating in a grotesque fast forward of disintegration and he watched in fascination as they crumbled away in seconds, getting exponentially faster.

And that was that. He was lying on the floor of Atlantis, her feel and warmth reaching for him now, faster, bigger in presence than he ever remembered, wise and amazing and he asked, through Sweetheart if she wouldn't mind dropping the shield for his friends. Atlantis apparently didn’t mind anything at all, not for him, not when he had come home.

So he just lay on the floor trying not to think about what came next. Atlantis was going to be easy compared to the Asuran home world and that was their next destination. His mind drifted a moment as he pushed himself up against Sweetheart. He could go home. He could try the gate and go home... only…

Only he'd just crashed into the control room and done some damage to the gate room as well. Clever of him.

"Sheppard!" Ronon got there first, unsurprisingly. "What the fuck was that? You hurt?"

John winced a little as Ronon started to examine him. "Done something to my leg."

"Bad?" Ronon was still a man of few words even now.

"Dunno." It hurt but felt strangely numb as much as anything.

"Hey, you stole my thunder," Ford said as he jogged in. "Thanks a lot, John."

All of them were hurriedly prodding and poking at him and he said "Ow!" half heartedly a couple of times.

"That was very foolish, John," Teyla berated.

"Hey, it worked and we need to get to the rendezvous. Took a lot longer than I thought," John said, feeling a little dizzy as they sat him up properly.

"Like this?" Teyla asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Like this," John confirmed. "You get me to the command chair or get me back in Sweetheart... she stabilizes my condition and can talk to Atlantis. We need to start flying now, Teyla."

"Gonna lift your skinny ass up then, Sheppard," Ronon said. "If we wait for you to walk then we'll definitely miss the fun. Code worked then?"

John grinned. "Like acid... melting them away. Ow fuck, Ronon!"

The Satedan hadn't given him any warning as he yanked him up to his shoulder. "Sorry," he rumbled, not sounding particularly contrite and set off at a steady lope of a walk to the Command chair.

John was way too concerned about staying conscious to complain. It was times like this that he realized how much Sweetheart buffered him from injury. She was already rebuilding and Atlantis would be doing the same with her ZPM's filled to the brim. Things got a little hazy until Ronon put him in the Command chair and it blazed with a light of welcome. Whether it was him or the fact that working with hardly any energy meant Atlantis had been barely able to whisper before, but now her immense presence was clear and *there* and like a goddess reaching for him, thanking him. Welcoming.

It was just a thought and the city was repairing itself and ruthlessly, he had to agree that the gate was low priority. They might use it as an entrance point if nothing else and then he fired the stardrives and it was like embracing a sun as they rose magnificently up through the atmosphere out into space.

"When we get there, all hell is going to break loose," he predicted to the others. "So be ready."

Like it had to be said, because unlike them, Ronon and Teyla had probably been ready for this for their entire lives. He just had to not let them down.

* * *

Collecting a ragtag fleet of fighters under the cloak of Atlantis had been easier than expected and the various messages of congratulations had kept him alert as he navigated all of them through hyperspace.

They were running late but that couldn't be helped. He couldn't have got though the shields any quicker and that had been a fluke, truth be told. Even so, when they did drop out of hyperspace above the Asuran home world, John was positive that they had dropped into a literal version of hell.

Blooms of terrible energy filled the void with an endless bombardment of coruscating light. Here a hive ship decimated a cruiser, there a cruiser tore a hive apart with swarms of drones. Darts exploded here and there as destructive beams swept like blades across the background of the stars. Constants streams of fire directed down at the planet bouncing off the shield there and they must be draining energy  
at a phenomenal rate but the shields were holding.

Todd hadn't been kidding, there had to be every Wraith in the galaxy mustered here and the Replicators.

As they were maneuvering for position, he saw the reason why the Replicators had not been worried about the invasion. Every now and then a massive bolt would rise from the planet surface and destroy a hive with one blast, sometimes hitting one of their own ships but that apparently didn't matter.  
If he stared too long it would become overwhelming. Instead he gave the order for them to fire under cloak, to target the Asuran ships first and he chose his targets carefully, trying to get in closer to  
the planet to scan for weaknesses.

Goddamn it, there was no getting through that shield...although the Asuran ships seemed to have immunity. Desperately he scanned that. If he was going to get down there to upload the code then he needed to get through the shield. This was where he missed Rodney the most. They would've been mid-chaos and disaster and he would be fighting like hell and Rodney would be talking and thinking a hundred miles a minute, his hands moving, typing, changing ,programming, fixing and he had to do it instead. He'd had to teach himself about all of this, to be Rodney when he wasn't here and every moment he was slow people died. Fast fast fast, and Atlantis checking his calculations and helping him and there it was, a shield modulation he could only upload to the Sweetheart and the puddlejumper or Atlantis herself.

"Got it," he said aloud. "Shield modulation uploaded to the Ancient tech. Puddlejumper, the Sweetheart and Atlantis could get down there now. Deliver the code." He opened his eyes a moment to look into the concerned eyes of Teyla and Ronon.

"John... there is no way to survive that sort of mission," Teyla said and he loved her for the fact that she cared.

"I know, Teyla. "

 _So long, Rodney._

"There must be another way," Teyla said, tears starting in her eyes and Ronon looked grim standing behind her.

"Teyla... look, it’s okay. I'm pretty much dying anyway... this is a good way to go. All debts paid," he said awkwardly. He needed their help to get to the Sweetheart otherwise he wouldn't even be arguing, it was wasting time.

There was a crackle over the radio channel and another voice chimed in. "Sorry, John, you don't get to play hero this time, or martyr," Ford's voice said.

A terrible suspicion swept over John. "Ford? Where are you?"

"Half way to the planet under cloak. This one is mine, John." Ford said his voice even and steady.

"Stand down, Lieutenant, that's an order!" he said with a frantic desperation, giving a bite to his words.

"Not this time."

"Dammit, Ford, It's not like you're saving me for much. You have a future!" Ford was happy here, Ford deserved that.

"Todd fixed you while you were under. You've got a future too," Ford answered. "ETA in 30 seconds. Go home, sir. For god’s sake, go home, you deserve it."

"Aiden…"

The countdown ticked and there was nothing he could do to stop the other man. There was a small click on the private channel and even as he was counting down from ten, he heard Ford say quietly in his ear. "John... thanks for saving me."

And then nothing except the blankness where a puddlejumper should be.

John couldn't stop the near shout of pain and denial that burst from him then, even as Atlantis sensors picked up a cascade failure at the very core of the planet. He could barely make enough sound with a voice tightened with grief to issue the warning.

"Planet’s going to go up. Bug out now, everyone!"

He felt the sensors tell him of the allies escaping. There were very few Wraith Hives left and he frowned as they seemed to be coming together rather than fleeing and then he felt a reaching thought.

~Sheppard, hear me.~

Fuck, it was Todd. ~You need to get out of there Todd. The planet is going up.~

~We know, Sheppard. You are a being of honor. We will remember this.~ Todd's voice did not sound suicidal but here they were indulging in a suicidal delay.

~You're going to *kill* yourselves?~ John asked and heard Todd's laughter.

~No, Sheppard. There are too few of us to prevail against humans here. We are going elsewhere. I found many concepts in your mind when you were my lhamorata... including those of Lantean quantum mirrors. ~

He was going to try and move the hives into another reality? "But a mirror big enough to take your hive would need a phenomenal amount of energy..."

~Like a planet exploding? Perhaps. Perhaps it will not work and we will all die here, but this is our last chance. If you wish to survive, John Sheppard, then you must leave. Farewell.~

He couldn't wait. If it was just himself perhaps it would've ended here and now, but for the sake of Teyla and Ronon and... Ford.

He grimaced and hit the hyperspace window just as the planet energy spiked and behind them left the end of all things. It was over, everything was over and apparently they'd won.

One day he might believe that.

* * *

"You are sure you are ready to do this, John?” Teyla said as they brought in the last of the supplies and gifts. "Your leg is not fully healed and you have not rested well since the battle."

"Yeah well, you and Ronon keep making me go to celebrations," John said, trying not to feel a curl of anticipation. He might not be able to fix the Gate, but he had realized after they finally woke from vast amounts of alcohol, some to celebrate, some to forget, that he could fly hyperspace to Earth in Atlantis. It was designed for a long flight now that the Replicators had conveniently fixed her hyperdrives and replaced the shattered crystals. Pretty thoughtful of them.

"It is necessary. You are a legend, John," Teyla said with a faint smile.

He laughed a little tight and bitter. "Yeah, a fucked up one at that. That's exactly the reason that I should go. I'm no legend, Teyla, never will be and if I stay here, things will get... complicated."

"He means there'll be someone either trying to put him as Emperor or something, or trying to kill him because they think he'll want to be," Ronon said. "You're the one that kept telling him to be happy."

"I know," Teyla said with a sigh. "I feel we have taken much from you, John."

"Well, hey, I'm stealing the City of the Ancestors, I think we might be even," John answered with a part smile.

"There is none now who would gainsay your right, John," Teyla said, stepping forward to hug him again.

"Teyla..." He hated goodbyes, he could still hear Ford's words in his head and it had broken something in him. "Without you..."

He didn't know how to say all the amazing things Teyla had been, to save him from himself so many times, to give him a family when all he did was draw away. To lead and be so wise that he was genuinely in awe of the woman she was.

"Let us part on good news, John," she murmured as she bestowed a rare kiss. "I am pregnant. My child will be born into a galaxy free of the terror of the Wraith because of you. For that, there can be no payment great enough to balance our debt."

"Yeah. Melina will grow up without having to worry about a culling," Ronon said, coming over and smiling, light and free in a way that made him smile right back. "Go home to McKay, Sheppard. He'll be waiting, I bet you. Then when you get bored there, you can come back here."

He grinned at that. True enough, there wouldn't be many who would stop him or would be able to.

"Ronon...you…"

"You're really bad at talking ," Ronon murmured and John raised his eyebrows at that. "C'mhere."

Ronon kissed him, one last time and it was more than any amount of words could convey. He pulled back and looked directly into his eyes. "Go safely, John. Do not forget us. "

"Never could," he said truthfully. "Don't let those legends get out of hand." He paused a moment. "Except the ones about Ford. He'd like that."

They both nodded as he hugged them voluntarily once more and then he limped to the command chair and settled in and the world turned blue around him.

A couple of weeks and change and he'd be back at Earth. Seeing Rodney, seeing all of them, but even now, his mind was clamoring with that one last desperate need even as he waited for Teyla and Ronon to clear the city.

The stars were waiting in another galaxy, waiting for him to come home after nearly five years lost. And as the stardrives roared a farewell to Pegasus, John finally headed home.


End file.
